Hey guys, 

I want to thank you for the great work. Your advice is great. God bless you. 

My question is about looking for a partner. Firstly, I want to state that I go to church because I love God, but I recently left my old church to hunt for a man. I am pushing 30 and would really like to find someone, possibly a future husband. I wasn’t into anyone at my old church and that is why I started church hopping. Some people have told me that this is a bad idea and that I should choose a church to settle and serve and worship God. But I would rather meet a guy in church than at a bar or a party. Is this a bad thing? Am I putting my desire above my God?

Cathy, 29

Moving from one church to another on a man hunting mission is a weak move, don’t you think? There is no formula for finding a good man; it’s not like buying a nice pair of stilettos because for that, you know which shop to go to. It is not easy to find a good man. To be honest with you, what you need right now is to get a life. You seem quite desperate for a man to fill your empty life.

My advice to you is to first get it right with yourself. Pursue your goals, explore your passions, have an interesting life, do things that take you outside your boundaries and beyond churches.

If you have low self-esteem, work over time to build it.  Trust and believe in God and yourself. Catching a man and injecting him into in your life isn’t going to make you happy if you aren’t already happy. 

Martin, 29, is single

***

I think you are putting your desires before God. First of all, it’s not that every guy in church is the ideal man.  Your desperation to find a guy could lead you into a bitter relationship and even marriage. 

First of all you are limiting your scope to only church goers yet you really need a man. 

The fact that you left your church yet you are a Christian to look for a man shows that things are really tight. At this point, you should be open to anyone, not because they go to church but because their character and heart is something you can work with. Can you actually cope with the negative character of a fellow Christian? 

Open up, spread your wings and fly around. Your biology clock is ticking; time is not on your side, so being picky isn’t something you can afford right now. 

Patrick, 21, is in a stable relationship

***

 If you are a Christian then yes for sure you have greatly put yourself above God. Don’t think guys who go to church are the perfect match. I actually think you should go hunting elsewhere because you can find a lot of potential husbands in other places like restaurants, cafes and libraries! Do not abandon your church because you are looking for a man; that is not what you go to church to do! 

Guys that love parties and dancing aren’t exactly the worst; on the contrary, they might just be better than the phony church goer. I understand that you want a Christian, but right now, you are proving to be a very weak Christian yourself if all you go to church to do is scout for men. Don’t judge someone by where you found them but rather how they behave. 

Please don’t put a mark on where to find a guy because you will be heavily disappointed. 

Mark, 26, is engaged