I read with amusement China’s new law requiring children to stay in touch with their elderly parents or risk fines and even imprisonment. That people have to be forced to take care of their own parents says a lot about our generation. It’s especially sad given China’s one-child policy. Who are the poor senior citizens supposed to turn to? 

At least here in Africa, the average family has five children and you have to have been a terrible parent for all of them to bail on you. Perhaps the other plus, which shouldn’t actually be a plus, is the fact that nursing homes haven’t quite caught on here and most old people live in their homes right up to the time they die. 

I always pray that God grants my Mum a long life but I never actually dwell on what the implications of that would be. In my mind, I see her as the same chatty, strong and independent woman she has always been even at 90. I can’t bear the thought of her losing her teeth, sight or memory. It would be extremely hard to watch her helpless, perhaps in a wheelchair or bedridden during her last days. I just don’t want to see that day. I’d hate to send my Mum to a nursing home. If it came to a point where she couldn’t live on her own, I’d rather move in with her or have her at my place, after all, we’ve lived together before. It would be a lot easier this time since I’d be calling the shots! 

Jokes aside, I know it can be challenging to take care of an ageing person. They’re most likely going to be sick most of the time and the financial challenges of our time will only add to the stress, especially if you have your own family to cater for. Still, there’s no excuse to abandon your parents, who just a couple of years before sacrificed to feed, clothe and educate you. 

If you need more inspiration, think of the fact that, that’s exactly where you will be 30 or so years from now. How would you feel if your own kids cut you out? I would never feel comfortable in a plush apartment knowing my mother was all alone in some dump without running water or power and yet this what most ageing parents are subjected to. Growing up, 

I recall the frequent visits to my grandma’s. Of course it helped that she lived close to the city and not some village thousands of miles away. She had all of 10 children and there was always someone going to check on her, especially her daughters. My Mum told me the practice had started quite early following my grandfather’s death. They didn’t want her to feel lonely in the big old house. 

Over the years, we the grandchildren were also encouraged to visit often and take a few supplies along and it became the norm. If my Mum couldn’t make it, I went or my sister did, and while there, a cousin or uncle also dropped by. My grandmother is about Mandela’s age now and we too have had our hospital runs. There’ve been times we thought she wouldn’t make but she surprises us every time. 

Everybody pitches in to cover the bills and we actually feel privileged to do so. I mean how many grandmas do we have? Apart from medication, there’s really not a lot to spend on. No cosmetics, jewellery, processed foods, sugar… All most old people need is company and we shouldn’t deny them that. I’m not trying to tell anyone how to treat their relatives. All I’m saying is that these people need us and it’s only a matter of time before we also need someone to nurse us through old age.

To be continued…