Lately, I’ve been feeling like the troll that almost gobbled up the three Billy Goat’s Gruff. Man, either my mirror is playing mind tricks on me or I have in fact slipped into what can only be described as a horrific Halloween costume.   A few years back, I went out with a cousin to the MTN Centre. Please understand that I thought we were just going to have a light drink and disappear before the night began so I went very casually dressed in a  gypsy skirt, vest and sandals. I was okay until the polite evening turned into a full blown night out!Hordes of hot chicks and guys poured in like God was flushing them out of the sky! I curled up in the corner and cursed my existence, afraid to even get up and go to the bathroom lest I was mistaken for a stray beggar! As if to rub it in my face, these hot things just couldn’t seem to stay in one place, they insisted on moving about the place like they had jiggers in their feet. But after a couple of Amstels, every time I looked in the mirror, Beyonce had nothing on me. I was watching E! the other day and pictures of Rihanna at a beach in Barbados with her petite frame reminded me of days so far back in my life. They also maliciously reminded me of the fact that my breasts are slowly but surely succumbing to gravity!So, out of boredom, a friend and I decided to look at pictures of celebrities without makeup. I felt like I had been instantly cured from a disease. Jesus Christ! If I’ve ever doubted God’s existence, I swear I am now a full believer.It is a sad story, to say the least. We clicked on a picture of Jennifer Lopez and let’s just say that the People Magazine most beautiful woman in the world title she was given was a hoax at its best. If her name wasn’t written below the picture I would have bet the bags that are comfortably stationed below my eyes that it was her grandmother. So, if you ever look in the mirror and wonder how God could have forsaken you yet He said He loves us all, be greatly consoled. You might still not hold a candle to Eva Longoria, but trust me, without her L’Oréal makeup bag, you can at least lift your candle off the ground an inch!I have dedicated my days to nagging God with promises of being a better Christian if He magically gives me back my fugitive body shape. I even promised to become an evangelist of sorts and spread the word to anyone who hasnt seen the light yet.  It’s only a matter of time now!