Last week I started my column with a quote from a Big Brother Africa ex-housemate from Uganda. My bad! It riled a few readers who wondered why I could even quote an over-plagiarised joke on marriage and tag it to the BBA loser. Well, my crime was failing to admit I had nothing to write home about.

Writing is not just like chomping popcorn. In fact, it’s easier for a man with an acute case of diarrhoea to try farting than for many people to write sense. If you doubt, just ask those 16 former A-Level candidates on the run to write their names.But first, we get back to the headline. I won’t pretend I can defend it myself. It looks pretty controversial. You are probably asking what bad sex is and what sex has got to do with bastards or a bunch of loonies on the loose. Again, my apologies. I already said writing isn’t a bed of roses, but more of a bed of bed bugs. The pride we have in writing comes at a price. Yet, like those 16 students, I shall insist on a short-cut to the success of this column, only that I am lecturing them on humility.To add chili sauce to the controversy, I shall say here that good sex is responsible sex. Still confused? Okay; responsible sex is that sex engaged with someone you truly love, and even when you don’t love that person, you should enjoy the sex and embrace the consequences the same way people are falling over themselves for those funny little gorillas in Kinigi. You don’t just give birth and let the child grow like grass in a world where one’s deeds affects others even more.You know, those kids are such a disappointment that if I were dizzy, I would call them minions; if I were drunk, I would call them louts; if I were deranged, I would flog them with spiked whips; and if I were dead, my ghost would strip them naked for a day to 16, just like their number. But I am none of these, so I shall have some sense of compassion and only use wisdom.In a country of a thousand hills, a country whose bad elements have all fled to the jungles in neighbouring countries or the sanctuary of posturing West, there is no reason for a child to fail to use reason. Unless you reason and behave like that ICTR judge Theodor Meron, there is absolutely no justification to throw away decency like celebrities discard wedding rings. Only those who reason like Meron should be thinking of shortcuts, or of giving shortcuts to undeserving elements.Do these 16 runaway students even know that there was no shortcut for manufacturing them in the bedroom to begin with? Your father had to lose a lot in courtship, introduction, wedding and presents to win your mother over. Your mother had to play hard a lot to get the best of your father’s curiosity. Even sex alone, it’s not a "smooth-all-the-way” thing like condom adverts tell us. It’s a sweaty gig.No need to talk about the burden of carrying you in the womb for nine months or the labour pain. All these processes had no shortcuts and yet you are jumping-jumping around like popcorns in a frying pan making claims over your mistakes? We have seen many jokers, but you guys certainly have raised the mark. Remember, no one can hide pregnancy, even if they wear hijabs of Afghan women.  Soon your excuses will run out and you will return looking like dressed chicken. Just don’t embarrass your parents any longer. They had it good to beget you.Blog: jadryn.wordpress.com