Lately I have come across many vile news stories, video clips and even word of mouth testimonies of child-minders, even here in Kigali, who have been caught abusing children physically or even molesting them sexually. I find myself very much angered by these accounts but more than that, I am terrified.

I am sure that by the time any mother or father leaves their child in the care of someone else they have been convinced that there is something about this person that is caring and nurturing. As parents, are we such poor judges of character or are these child-minders just good at deception? The worst case scenario is if this modern lifestyle has actually turned us into negligent parents!

I hate all forms of deception. As a rule, I absolutely cannot stand a liar. I never tolerate someone who steals, lies, or whose stories do not add up in any way.  If I find that such a person is in my employ, then you can be sure they will be promptly dismissed one way or another. I believe you have to be able to trust your employee completely for the relationship to work - especially if that person is caring for your children.

I admit that it’s not always easy to know whether your child’s caregiver is doing the job she’s supposed to be doing and doing it well. But it’s often possible to find out or know whether something’s wrong without even being told. Sometimes if you are keen, you may sense something wrong by using your instincts but you can also watch for behavioral changes in your child and other odd signs. Below are some of the things one should watch for.

Your child isn’t happy to see the nanny and has become anxious and withdrawn. A child needs to trust and love the caregiver. Perhaps the caregiver isn’t providing the kind of warmth and comfort your child needs. As in every relationship, having the right bond is important. 

Your caregiver is not open about how they spent the day. When you come home, you’re probably eager to hear about what happened while you were away from your child. If your caregiver isn’t good at communicating with you then she is probably not going to provide a stimulating environment for your child. At worst, she has something to hide. A good caregiver will understand why you want to know about your child’s day.

Your baby has been in too many easily avoidable accidents. A good caregiver must keep her eye on the child and know what they are doing at all times to prevent accidents. Domestic accidents can sometimes be fatal or leave your child with serious injuries. She may be negligent, leaving the child unattended as they play.  

She may also be actively abusing the child. While kids who crawl and are just learning to walk are likely to have accidents, suspect abuse if your baby gets hurt in unusual places, like the stomach, cheeks, ears, or thighs.

Nowadays caregivers are almost essential but parents must be watchful. Not every caregiver is right for your child.