…backbite people thinking they don’t understand the language being spoken. There is no better way to prove to the world that you are an idiot than speaking ill of a person who is just next to you because your empty head tells you that no one can understand what you are speaking. Who told you that you were the last person to learn that language? Just because you think someone is a foreigner does not mean they cannot understand Kinyarwanda or French. How I wish you receive a hot slap as you blubber just to remind you that slaps need no interpretation. 

…turn their workplaces into mini kitchens. Even before my anger over those who ferry their shoes to office could go down, I discovered that some jokers turn their office space into mini kitchens. And I am not talking about those who work in restaurants.

I am referring to the greedy jokers in offices who ferry a mug, plate, spoon, fork, corn flakes, milk, noodles, biscuits, a thermos flask, tea bags, sugar, oh the list is endless. I not only hate these people but I also wish I could get to know whether they were employed to grow the company or their waistlines. Such people do not even deserve to be working in restaurants with such elephant appetites. 

…ask silly questions whose answers are obvious. Sometimes I get to see how empty someone’s head is without performing brain surgery. Take for example the empty heads who ask children in school uniform whether they are going to school. You can see the fellow is wearing school uniform already. Do you think he is just heading for auditions in a play for the part of a student or what?

The same goes to those who call and ask you whether you are sleeping. Did you think I was sleep-talking? I feel like cursing the ones who ask whether I got home safely or to tell them that actually I was eaten by a bear and I’m speaking from inside its stomach.  

…become instant experts whenever there is a major event. As the budgets were being read out, I was left to deal with the noise from the instant analysts telling us bow the budget is pro-this or anti-that. These are the same jokers who cannot tell the difference between a financial and fiscal policy.  

The same people who still have trouble spelling the word budget are now experts on the subject. As if that is not enough, these are the same part-time thinkers who cannot even budget their own salaries but always ask for salary advances and borrow left and right. Who gives birth to such people? 

…think it is cool to announce the death of a living person. Of course we all know that Nelson Mandela is hospitalised and because of his age his body is not so strong to fight diseases fast enough. However, it is the highest degree of stupidity for someone to think that because they have a Twitter/Facebook account, a smart phone and a head full of local brew, they can announce his death.

We all know that if he is in hospital then it is the doctors that will announce if there is anything to announce. There is no reason for a joker in Gikondo or Kimisagara to think they, too, can announce. Whoever gave birth to such imbeciles owes us an apology. 

Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com or text me at +250 788 545293.