I FIRST MET Evariste in Nyanza town. I had been to various districts and approached several individuals in a quest for first-hand experience on how domestic violence and family wrangles affect people’s economy-eventually leading to poverty within families and separation.Time was running so fast, I thought, that I had started losing hope. Getting someone who would confess to being in a bad family situation and then accept to share his story was not as easy as I had earlier thought-perhaps because of the shared conviction that ‘you don’t wash your dirty linen in public.’ But, as I was about to abandon the search, I met a man in his mid-forties. He was sitting on narrow-leafy herbage, near the main road from Nyanza town to Kigali. His old bicycle was parked near where he sat. He wore a heavy black pullover, orange T-shirt, black trousers and black plastic sandals.We had a chat for several minutes. At first, I did not realise how he had endured what he later called "years of mistreatment and harassment”-pointing an accusing finger at his own wife. But, as he started narrating his ‘ordeal’, he was overcome by emotions that he would occasionally, during the course of the interview, bust into sobs like a toddler. That’s when I discovered that he was undergoing a difficult situation. Evariste K. (as he wished to be identified, with K. being an initial of his family name), 43, is a father of three young children. He got married in 1995.According to his account, the first years of marriage were happy and depicted what any person can expect from a marriage: happiness, joy, prosperity and children.Nine years after their marriage, the family decided to relocate to a new place in Rwabicuma Sector, Nyanza District, where they acquired land in a designated communal settlement (umudugudu) and built a residential house where they stayed.Life was better for the family, Evariste says. "We started a small retail shop,” the father of three says. "Until then we lived harmoniously and shared our aspirations and vision to build a strong family. The business grew remarkably and the family’s welfare improved in the next years.”But as their revenues increased, the couple failed to agree on the management of the accumulating fortune.According to Evariste, the ensuing wrangles between him and his spouse led to the closure of the shop.That marked the beginning of a long downward journey which saw the family’s revenues dwindle and wrangles escalating to break the once happy family apart.Failed marriage"After failing to agree on the management of the family estate, which subsequently led to the failure of our business endeavour, we were left with debts that we had to service,” Evariste says."We had acquired a loan in a local cooperative. But, in such a situation, it was very hard to pay back the money.”So, he sought the wife’s approval to sell a ‘small plot’ of land to pay the money back. But the latter refused.After a series of unsuccessful attempts to convince her, in 2011 Evariste took a decision which would rather complicate things than abate their situation: he decided to sell the land without the consent of the spouse."I told myself: better be dragged to court by my own wife than others,” Evariste confesses.But the decision complicated efforts to resolve their differences until neighbours, mediators and local leaders were called in to mediate between the two, all in vain.For over a week, efforts to talk to Evariste’s wife yielded no result.However, a local leader who asked not to be identified told Saturday Times that the couple has been accusing each other thus making efforts to help them settle their differences unsuccessful.After several unsuccessful attempts to restore the couple’s affectionate ties, local authorities-from village to sector level- decided to advise them to divorce over fears that the escalating wrangles might lead to life loss.Several cases of people who murdered their relatives over property have been widely reported and covered by local media.Today, Evariste has left his ruined family and is now living far from his children in Muyira sector.Time to time, he says, he visits his children and supports them as he can afford. But as he prepares to start a legal action to seek divorce, Evariste looks back to his past with bitter sadness.As tears continue to roll in his eyes, the 43-year-old-man sadly says he has lost almost everything due to a failed marriage."I even no longer have a place to call home,” he sadly says.