In Rwandan terms it is the rupango, a nice car and kids that go to really fancy schools. The equivalent is the American white picket fence; I want it and I’m honestly not afraid to admit it. 

If you had asked me about 5 years ago if I was interested in having a husband, family and all that, I would’ve probably rolled my eyes and said something along the lines of "nope, kids aren’t for me and I don’t think I’m the commitment type. One man for the rest of my life? I don’t think so”. 

Fast forward and life has proven that even if you do not think you are a certain type of woman, chances are you just haven’t been in the right circumstances. Most of us say we aren’t the commitment type yet we have never been in a serious long-term relationship. We say kids aren’t for us without ever being around children. This is not to judge some ladies who just know exactly what they want in life and have reached a point where they are very comfortable with this; it’s the young ladies out in the streets claiming the above without ever experiencing it.

It is really interesting to admit in a group of women that you want to have a husband and a family before you turn 30 and maybe even take time off to raise these children. They will assume the wine you are having is really going to your head or you aren’t as ambitious as they thought. It is true that when you decide to have a family your life goes in a different direction but no one is to say that it is the wrong direction. Your career does not immediately collapse, for some it changes while for others nothing changes at all. It all depends on the couple in this relationship and their ability to balance.

I was raised by two very hard-working parents. We never had a driver and the house help really didn’t do much in terms of our day to day routine. My parents were always there at 5pm to pick us up, my mother always made dinner and they always helped with the homework and if there was time, there would be a soccer game out in the front yard after all that. These are the memories that have shaped my decision. My parents never complained about their responsibilities and I look forward to having a similar life in the future. If my husband and I can afford to have one of us not work full time in an office that would be great because I want my children to be raised by the people who brought them into this world and not the house help.

So 21st century women, is it a requirement for a modern woman to not want a family and focus more on her career or can you have both?