…continuously like and comment on all Facebook posts by their lovers. I am starting to think that people have forgotten how to love and I am seriously thinking of changing my name from The Hater to The Lover one of these days. But before I make the transition I really wish I could get the chance to slap lousy jokers who, because they are in love, think it is cool to click the like button and comment on everything that their lover posts on Facebook.

Look, that is not love but stupid cyber stalking. I guess even when you are together each time your fiancée says something you feel compelled to say, "Yes, that is right.” Such foolish people deserve to go back to Hi5 or MySpace.  

…remember to call only to inform you about their wedding meetings. I am really tired of annoying messages from the likes of MTN, Airtel, Tigo or Rwandatel and the ones from Police about driving tests I have never applied for. As if that is not enough I keep seeing messages from long lost friends about impending wedding meetings.

But surely, if we have not been in touch for the last three years, what makes you think I want to be a shareholder in your happiness? And what happened to just organising events you can afford? I think I should start changing my phone number every two years to kick out strangers who become friends because they want money from you. 

…go to nightclubs and spend the whole time just walking around. It is sad that traffic policemen are not allowed to do their work inside nightclubs. I would really be happy if they could come and arrest these idlers who just spend time in the club walking around as if they have lost something.

Other jokers keep walking around with this sheepish smile and looking at everyone as though they are playing the role of an invited guest. I wish there was a way of keeping these people outside until they learn what the club was set up for. If you just wanted to do some people watching why not just go and stand at Rubangura’s lane or at Nyabugogo. 

…pretend to sell food while just cheating customers. One of these days anger may get the best of me and I will slap a restaurant owner. There are these days when you are very hungry and you walk into a restaurant that claims to offer a buffet but the moment you get to where the food is hunger is replaced with anger.

I am talking about those restaurants where you are given very small plates almost the size of a CD. I am talking of those plates that are barely bigger than your palm. How am I supposed to address my hunger with such a small plate that can only hold very little food that only serves to tease my stomach? And no, I do not want to watch my weight. 

…think it is cool to take pictures while in the bathroom. For sure, many smartphone owners cannot be referred to as smart. I mean, have you seen the folks with retired brains that go to bathrooms just to take photos of themselves as they look in the mirror? Who brought these useless chaps on this planet without considering contraception?

Since when did a place built for human excreta turn into a photo studio? Don’t these people have friends who can tell them what the real purpose of a bathroom is? I just pray that your phone falls inside the toilet as you smile to take a picture.  

Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com or text me at +250 788 545293.