So, you’ve been eyeing that smart, attractive journalist you’re lucky enough to know personally. Your journo is smart, funny, and confident. You are intrigued!

Who can blame you? Journalism is a sexy occupation.

We journalists aren’t like the bimbos girls usually pick up at the bar. No, journalists are different. When you date a journalist, it will not be the usual stale and boring relationships you’re used to.

And here is what you need to know:

We can figure things out

Yes, we are paid to dig deep, find the secrets and wade through murky waters. What you think you are hiding from us won’t be hidden for long. It will be known.

We will act surprised when you eventually tell us you dated two dozen men before us -but we already knew. Just tell us the truth.

We can handle it.

At some point, you will be a topic

We live our lives writing about life. If you are a part of our life, we will be forced to write about you or your thoughts. Get over it. Consider it a compliment, even if the story is actually critical of you.

Yes, we think we’re smarter than you

In fact, we know it. Does that smack of ego? And that confidence is what makes your heart go pitter-patter.

We have a strong working knowledge of how the world is run

That makes us great in conversation. We are good at loose talk. We paparazzi can delve into literally any topic: we can discuss local politics, we can analyze the economies of nations as obscure as Uzbekistan, where to find the good restaurants, who is dating local songbird Knowless Butera, or where Intore Masamba’s band is playing.

Also, know that we carry ourselves with a certain arrogant air. Don’t be surprised if we are not impressed when you say, "I’m a writer, too.” No, no, no …you are not. The fact that you post massively popular updates on Facebook does not make you a writer. Nor does the fact that you "wrote some poems in high school” or that one day you want to pen "the great African novel.”

Look, we are paid to write. Every day. 

What’s more, our writing matters. It changes opinions, affects decisions and connects people with the world around them.

We write about the real world — with real consequences.

You may have some great entries in your journal, poems and rudimentary short stories -good for you. Just don’t assume we’ll accept that as on par with what we do.