Guys, 

I’ve been dating this guy for about five months now. He’s a perfect gentleman and has many things I’ve always wanted my dream guy to have. But the problem is, his past is a total mess. He has had so many exes and done almost everything unspeakable including cheating on his exes.

He tells me he is a changed man but I just don’t know if I can trust him. A part of me tells me men can never change yet another part tells me he is Mr. Right. What should I do?

Clemy, 26

You seem like a holier than thou sort of person who has lived a spotless life with no blemish through your past. Well, if you are, you’re one a lucky girl! Most guys have tricky pasts and maybe his many exes weren’t the right ones and that is the reason he is your man now because he dumped his ex.

But why should you even dwell on your guy’s past yet you claim that he is a perfect gentleman and has many of the things you’ve always wanted your dream guy to have? I don’t see why you have to dig into his past if he is a changed man now, unless of course he’s still doing whatever he used to do in the past which doesn’t seem so. You’re never going to be happy if you’re going to always dwell on the past unless you’re dating a priest. People change and he probably did too. So trust your man and even help him become better. With mistrust you’re never going to have a happy relationship. Build a happy relationship lest history repeats itself!

Eric, 33, a married father of one

--

Though they say old habits die hard, I believe some guys actually do change. I’ve always heard people say, "its better a guy does all he does rather than have a mid-life crisis.”

People do a lot of things for different reasons. Bad friends, bad community or different lifestyles push them to live. But just because he had such a past doesn’t mean he can’t see the light and change.

One thing I strongly advise against is listening to peoples stories about his past. Some of them are just envious. Let him tell you himself and if he can’t, then I’m guessing he isn’t ready to take things to the next level with you. But if he can tell you all about it, then give him the benefit of the doubt.

Take your time before you jump into conclusions of whether to tie the knot or let him go. Yes he could still be a cheater, or you could be the woman who makes him change forever.  

--

Patrick, 21, in a long term relationship

Jesus says, "Those without sin cast the first stone”.  I can’t even begin to understand why you are complaining. You write "he’s a perfect gentleman and has many things I’ve always wanted my dream guy to have”. What else do you want? And then you wonder why men think that women simply don’t make sense. 

As a guy who has had an ’interesting’ dating life, I can tell you that the past is what makes us the people we are today. For example, I made sure that I learnt from all the mistakes I made in the past. Honestly, if I had not made all those mistakes I wouldn’t be the boyfriend I am today. My woman will certainly not call me perfect. But she will admit that I’m pretty good. The only reason that I’m a good mate today is because I was a bad one yesteryear. 

Lincoln, 32 stays with his girlfriend