THE DEATH of a loved one can be perceived as an irreconcilable loss and for some the grief can be unbearable and long lasting. Anyone who has lost a parent, spouse, child or close friend knows the intense sense of loss and emotional pain.  That is a natural part of the grieving process.

Losing loved ones is always a shock and disturbing. But growing up grieving may eventually be a revelation to find that despite the sorrow, life changes are often positive. Iyakaremye Wensislas from Mukura Sector, Karongi District takes us through his account about the bends and turns that portrayed his life passage:

"From as early as I can remember, when I was aged about 6 years shortly after the 1994 Genocide, many children were left with neither parents nor siblings – everything was like a shattered dream. I looked ahead to certain events that would usher me into the status of realising my dream as a grown up man, but life was like nightfall. Climbing the life ladder at the time was not easy but rather rough. As I occasionally confided in my friends, I first stayed with some family that were friends with my parents for a period of one year.

Then, all too suddenly, the events that transpired over that period forced me to seek refuge in an orphanage as the only conventional choice. The reason for this was that I was being mistreated and lacked the basic needs.

"After one year at the orphanage, I was emotionally drifting in the wreckage of lost love, lost lives, and my own shattered identity. At some point, I thought that this was perhaps one of the hardest huddles to jump in life – nothing was going my way. 

"However, eventually, as old as my grandmother was, she came to my rescue. I got the opportunity to resume my studies. Grandmother pushed so hard so that I could finish "Tronc Commun”, the equivalent to the first three years of secondary school. 

"Central to that new self was a bright innate knowledge of achieving my long desired dream of pursuing further studies. At 22, I decided to get married and my life changed. With 2 kids, I began to feel I was destined for bigger things. This was at the time the Land Husbandry, Water Harvesting and Hillside Irrigation Project (LWH) was being introduced in our area. For a while, we were educated and given useful information on the project’s activities as forthcoming direct beneficiaries. 

"Together with my wife we were offered work at the LWH project and through combined efforts and saving jointly from the money earned from the project we became a happy couple. My wife embedded deep in me knowledge of my limit, our limits, and that, oddly enough, felt like the beginning of another life. 

"With training and capacity building on how to access financial services as part of creating a culture of saving through linking us with SACCOs, I learnt the benefits of working with financial institutions. With the money I received from working in the terraces, I started saving and through my savings I was able to buy a cow and land. 

"After 2 years of working with LWH, I have been able to save about Rwf400,000, part of which I use to pay school my fees.” 

Iyakeremye is currently in his Senior Four, offering History, Economics and Geography (HEG) at Groupe Scolaire Rwingingo in Mukura Sector where we found him helping other students. 

He has learnt one good lesson in life: there is no set formula for moving through the grieving process. However, all one needs is courage and determination.