So you had a fight with your neighbour last week; apparently she swept only her side of the compound, leaving yours looking like a rubbish site. Perhaps a colleague at work pissed you off when they insisted on disagreeing with an idea you were convinced would sell. Or maybe you had a fight with your better half and now feel like the silent treatment is the way to go.

Throw all that away. Now is not the time to fight, now is the time to be together. If that neighbour or colleague is grieving, walk over and let them know they are not alone. If we let anger over irrelevant things take over our humanity, then we are doomed. 

Some people believe that after 19 years, Rwanda should have moved on by now. In one character’s own words, ‘Okay it is bad what happened here 19 years ago but for how long will this commemoration business go on?’  And he said the word ‘bad’ like he was talking about someone who fell and bruised his knee!

I don’t know what angered me most; the fact that he said that the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi was ‘bad’ or that the commemoration has outlived its purpose. Bad is when a child is sent away from school because they are not wearing socks. Bad is when the tea lady brings you tea and then trips, pouring some of it on you. That’s bad. 

I’m sorry but slaughtering over a million innocent people like animals on the streets in broad daylight because their ID says they are Tutsi doesn’t quite fit into the ‘bad’ bracket. It was the Godfather of all nightmares – that is the best way I can describe it. That is why it is every Rwandan’s duty to hold the hand of another compatriot and remember and honour those who perished so horribly – 19 years is quite a short period for those vicious scars to heal. To be honest, I don’t think there will ever be an appropriate time scale. 

Grieving and mourning are natural processes. Grief is not only a natural reaction to loss, it’s a necessary reaction if you are to regain your sense of self and go on with your life.

Grieving is nature’s way of helping us cope and go on with life.

When you have sustained the loss of someone dear to you, it is almost as though you have been physically shattered - a part of you and your life has been taken from you. So, it’s only natural to grieve around the time you lost that person – no matter how old the incident gets. 

Yes Rwanda moved on but moving on does not mean forgetting the loss. Moving on does not mean we cannot dedicate one week to our countrymen who died so viciously. What is one week to remember the loss of your own flesh and blood? We need to hold hands and be strong for those whose strength wears thin.