The pros and cons of mixing work and pleasure

Lillian joined a private company as a receptionist where he met Jim, who by average standards was a handsome charming man. He began to flirt innocently with her on every opportunity.

Because Lillian was not directly in Jim’s charge, although he was higher in rank, it did not take long for the two to develop a sizzling secret affair. Conscious of the vibrant rumour mill in the office, they avoided the temptation to display emotions in public.

Then one day, a colleague spotted the lovey-dovey couple at a regular hanging out place in town, in a cozy intimate pose and from that moment Lillian’s world in the office began to crumble. Colleagues whispered "fool” or "prostitute” behind her back.

Her supposed friends would disperse whenever she appeared. With time her otherwise interesting job turned into a nightmare.

Jim had a reputation of sorts with all new cute females who joined the company.

Lillian was not the first, but simply the latest of a long line of girls who had fallen prey to Jim’s charms. Hurt female colleagues became bitter and started gossiping.

Lillian’s story is one of the many ways in which cases of office romance turns sour, at times at the expense of one’s job.

It is a delicate matter to get involved in an office relationship, because it means than there is thin line between work and personal life, as Rose found out.

As a creative assistant in a major advertising company, a well paying job by many standards, Rose found that she was spending a lot of time in meetings with her line manager.

They seemed to have formed a swift working rapport and could be very productive in handling client’s accounts. As the accolades from clients flooded in, their working hours tended more and more to stretch beyond the official hours.

Since they were both young and single, their official rapport quickly turned into a personal interdependent relationship, between two hardworking and committed employees, trusting in each other for matters other than work.

On one of those tension-filled into late night meetings in which they were struggling to beat clients’ deadline, Rose fell victim to a mild but disorienting headache, due to fatigue.

An innocent massage by her sympathetic manager, eager to help, turned erotic within a flash. They let out their neglected but genuine physical desirers, long suppressed, and found themselves, a few minutes later naked, entwined and ashamed of themselves.

After the incident, they could not sit down in the same room alone to work because they dreaded a repeat of the intimacy that had ruined their otherwise perfect working relationship.

Rose regretted that she had allowed things to get out of hand, and suspected that behind her manager’s brotherly attitude had hidden a wolf, ready to pounce on her at the slightest opportunity.

Her work began to suffer and eventually Rose left for another company to start afresh. This is not to say that office relationships are always doomed to fail. Michael, a journalist met Patricia at a media company.

A mutual admiration was followed by a secret courtship. The couple were careful to maintain a strict working relationship while at the office. Six months later, Patricia resigned on her own accord and changed jobs before the couple announced their engagement.

They are now a happily married couple. In many companies romantic relationships are officially prohibited, although in most cases it is just one of those laws to break.

Forty-three per cent of workers in the United States say they’ve dated a fellow employee; of those, 34 per cent reported getting hitched, according to a 2006 survey on office romance by CareerBuilder.com.

If you are serious about dating someone at your workplace, it is more of matter if both of you are ready to sit down and thrash out the pros and cons in a sober manner.

"Love in the office is such a distraction, you have to be incredibly sure before you begin flirting that this is going to go somewhere,” Kate Taylor, author of "Not Tonight, Mr. Right,” warns.

On the other hand, in our generation, people spend so much time working and are therefore more likely to get the time to discover and study a potential partner, more at the work place than in any other place.

Some people actually do not have the time to date, let alone to study potential partners. United States presidential hopeful Barrack Obama met his wife, Michelle Robinson, in 1989 when he was employed as a summer associate at a Chicago law firm.

At the beginning, a relationship at work may look too good to be true. But you always have to put in mind that as soon as word reaches your colleagues, both of you will be the targets of office gossip, jealousy, tension and a lack of space, not to mention the possibility you’ll have to keep working with your now bitter former sweetheart after a breakup.

In Lillian’s case, sour grapes of Jim’s ex-girlfriends, was a factor, but on the other hand, Lillian did not take time to study Jim well or else she would have known that her Mr. Charming was a well polished player, with an irresistible arsenal of smooth moves to pull on any unsuspecting victim.

Nardine, a waitress in an uptown Kigali restaurant thinks it all depends on who you are seeing and how exactly it will impact on your job.

"If my boss approaches me, I would be worried because, sooner or later, our disagreements could easily cost me my job.”

But for Aimable, a banker, an office romance can spice up your life.

"It takes the drag out of a boring day at office,” he suggests.

"In fact, I would rather move out with a workmate because she would understand the pressures of my job and would help me to avoid straying to other girls.”

On the other hand, Solange, a shop attendant at a mobile phone shop, thinks relationships should be judged at their own merit.

"If the man of my dreams happens to be my workmate, then to hell with my workmates, the laws, the job. These things happen once in a lifetime.”

For Félicien, an office assistant, romance at work is a no-no.

"She will watch you all the time. You cannot lie to her, when you are going out with your beer buddies for a drink after work.”

Not for Gideon, a research assistant with an international firm in Kigali.

"A relationship with a workmate of the same rank can result in better results, because you want to be with each other all the time and in a way you will cooperate in your official assignments.”

He only laments about relationships across ranks, which would easily result in the junior employee disrespecting his/her boss. Yet in some cases, female workers on getting involved with their bosses are instead favored over others, quite unfairly.

The office remains a tempting place to seek a mate. You get to know people in a tense and competitive atmosphere. You celebrate your successes and endure your tribulations together.

You get angry at each other and offer a shoulder to cry on for each other. On the other hand, some workers make decisions which they regret later.

Diane had a rough time when she got a job an a salesperson in a private company after giving sexual favors to a consulting engineer who used to visit the branch every two months and who headed the panel that interviewed her for the job.

She got the job fine, but whenever the consultant came for his regular visit, everyone noticed the uncomfortable, almost embarrassed attitude they had towards each other.

Even though the lewd agreement that had resulted in the offer of a job did not lead to a sustained relationship, it was enough to damage their working relationship, although both parties are still employed in the same company.

Luckily, word of the indecent proposal did not reach her peers, because she kept it to herself but it still weighs down on her conscious.

"It was as if I allowed myself to be used,” she confessed.

"But I had to do it because I desperately needed the job and maybe one day, I will find a job in a place where every single day does not remind me of my past mistakes.”

Contact: kelviod@yahoo.com