Occasionally everyone gets angry and whether you’re irritated by a parent’s interference, a child’s disobedience, a friend’s inattentiveness, it’s important to learn how to manage anger before it starts to manage you.

Anger is a normal human emotion but when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems at work, in your personal relationships, may hinder you from effective communication and in the overall quality of your life.

James Bwamukama, a community psychologist, said that nasty attitudes, hurtful words, or a cold shoulder are not the way to resolve differences, instead try these suggestions…

Talk it out

Angry people tend to jump to conclusions and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. If a person offends you, wait for the right time and let that person know.

Sometimes we say things without meaning them, or without realising their effect on others. Give the person a chance to explain his or her intentions before describing your feelings about it.

Choose a private meeting area away from others and be prepared to listen long and talk little which will help to clear the air between both you.

Forgive and forget

If a person continues to hurt you over time and apologises after each occurrence, learn to forgive and move on. Don’t set high expectations for this person to change in the near future.

Instead, accept them the way they are by understanding that the hurt was probably unintentional. Though it is all right to point out the problem behavior as it takes place, you may have to accept that the person was unable to control words or actions that lead up to the infraction, perhaps lacking emotional maturity or personal responsibility. 

Practice avoidance

If the a person continues to offend after you have made it clear how you feel about it, you may need to step back from the relationship and give the other person some time to think things through.

That doesn’t mean you give the cold shoulder whenever you happen to meet, or refuse to return calls or be friendly at social gatherings.

It means that you maintain a friendly tone if your paths happen to cross for example at family events, but keep your distance in terms of initiating one to one meetings.

Seek a mediator

If the conflict escalates or it becomes necessary to find resolution, ask a neutral person or third party that both of you trust to hear both sides and try to work out a compromise. Sometimes those too close to a conflict are unable to sort the issues like a third party can.

Change the way you think

Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you’re angry, your thinking can get much exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational and constructive ones.

Seek counseling

If you feel that your anger is really out of control and it’s having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider  seeking for counseling on how to handle it better.

A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a wide range of techniques for changing your thinking and behavior too.

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