A good friend of mine loved the phrase ‘and pigs will fly’ so much that the fool actually made it an integral part of his email address. Whenever he sprouted those wise words I knew that he meant that, whatever we were talking about, was an impossibility. He actually wrote me a message on Facebook reminding me of his existence.

Well, today’s column is in honoUr of this chap, way over in Texas suffering along with the illegal Mexican immigrants, trying to live the American dream in Bush-territory.

The only advice I can give him is to stay away from the border guards - I don’t want him back unless its on his own terms…

Anyway, a few days back I met someone who made me say…. "AND PIGS WILL FLY”!

Traveling back to Butare by bus after a weekend that was truthfully not that exciting, I found out, to my womanizing pleasure, that I was sharing a seat with a lovely Caucasian (that is ‘white’ for all those who aren’t fluent in politically correct language) lady.

Now, being the Old Bachelor I wasn’t going to waste an opportunity to show the legendary Rwandan hospitality, ahem, ahem.

Thankfully she wasn’t a member of Sarkozy’s tribe but rather a member of the Anglo-Saxon world so, it wasn’t hard to strike up a conversation. I mean, the poor girl couldn’t, in all probability, resist my overtures.

The OB’s charm is as legendary as Mike Tyson’s left hook; and just as devastating. Conversation was good and even before WE crossed the Nyabarongo River I had her eating out of the palm of my hand.

Although I won’t say that she wasn’t with a few charms of her own. In fact, she was gorgeous…she had the prettiest eyes I’d ever seen. So, I was officially smitten.

Now, all I had to do was steer the conversation to the topic that I decided was extremely pertinent; her martial status.

Using the ‘beating about the bush’ approach I found out (although it took me from Gitarama to Ruhango to get the answer) that she wasn’t married. "GOOD”.

Using the same above mentioned tactic I asked her age. As any guy knows, this is a very delicate matter and utmost care is needed. "33”. Lovely, I like older women.

Did she have a boyfriend-or a girlfriend for that matter? You can never know these days! She didn’t have a boyfriend (she was straight…thank you Jesus).

That was so weird; I mean, here was a lovely lady and no man had staked his claim. It didn’t make sense. She simply said that she didn’t date.

"What do you mean, I asked getting a bit naughty, you haven’t dated”?

"Do you only do one night stands”?

"I’ve never been in bed with a guy”.

Okay, lets be honest here, how many 33 year old virgins do you know? None? Me neither. And here’s what took the biscuit…she’d never even kissed a guy before. At 33?

"Pigs will fly”! I’ve made it my duty to make sure she leaves Rwanda in a few months without such a disability. I’m not even going to do it for myself; its my patriotic duty as a Rwandan male. Wish me luck.

Contact: madogz2002@ahoo.ca