Things don’t always go according to plan. Parents go their separate ways and later down the line start lives with other people.

"I never thought that it would end like that, but my husband was too much of a drunkard. After two kids and a life full of fights and quarrels, I knew we had to call it quits,” recalls Nyinawumuntu a mother of three. Children get caught somewhere in between. Their lives get turned upside down and inside out.

New families are created and a new husband or wife for your parent means a new stepparent for you. One of the most difficult things for a child from a broken home to deal with is a stepmother or father.

It’s normal to be sad and scared as your family changes and it may take some time to get adjusted to your new family situation.

Suddenly having a new adult in your life and your home can be really tough. You’ll probably have lots of questions, like what you should call your step dad or step mom.

"At first I thought every thing was lost and I could not believe it is possible to call another person Mom. There I was taking orders from some one I did not know’” says Muvunyi who is now a teacher living in Gatsibo.

Most stepchildren often wonder about rules and whether they really have to listen to their stepparent. A stepparent is another adult who’s looking out for you, so it’s best to give him or her same level of respect you give your own parents, coach, or teacher at school.

They too might worry about what will happen on holidays, who they’ll be with and exchange presents with. These are all good questions and ones that they should talk over with their families.

OK, so you’ve given it some time. You’ve tried to like your step mom and may be she too has tried to like you, but you just don’t get along! You can’t stop wishing that things were the way they were before. But ask yourself; is it really her you don’t like?

It’s not easy sharing your parent and your home with a stepparent. It can be even harder if your stepparent has children, and you have stepsiblings now, too! Sometimes you are afraid to let your mom or dad know that you miss spending time with him or her alone.

"Starting a life with kids I didn’t know was something I dreaded, and all through my secondary life I had to suffer at the hands of my big step brothers and a difficult step mother,” says Amina, now a parent.

Although it’s hard sometimes, you can still be one big family. When you’re still getting used to a new stepparent, it may seem as though things will never be OK. It takes a while to get comfortable with someone, and it also takes patience and lots of talking.

But you might surprise yourself when you realise one day that you can’t imagine your life without your step-dad anymore. It’s also important to understand that when you do get along with your stepparent, it does not mean you care less for your parents, especially a parent you may no longer live with most of the time.

A caring stepmother understands that you still love your mother and enjoy spending time with her. She will also understand how much you still love your mother, even if she died. Families are about love and understanding, not about competing with each other.

The more good you can find in your stepparent and your situation, the closer you’ll become. And the entire family will be a whole lot happier, especially you.

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