"Congratulations, you are the proud winner of our ultimate prize: Kshs3million (1million Frw) and a trip for two to the Seychelles for a week. Call this number to claim your prize as soon as possible or it will be forfeited, thanks for participating.” It’s 2 a.m. when this message appears on my mobile phone waking me from a deep slumber. My first thought: it’s one of those dreams that haunt me throughout the night. I wipe my eyes. The words become clearer. It’s true.

I have hit the jackpot. I am saying goodbye to poverty forever. There is no way I can go back to sleep. Instead I stay awake planning for my millions and identifying possible areas of investment as I wait for the morning to make that one phone call that was between me and eternal riches.

The four hours to dawn seem like a decade, I couldn’t wait to be declared a millionaire and spend a week with whoever I wish (I was thinking Miss Uganda) in the beautiful Seychelles, drinking from coconut shells and swimming in the blue ocean.

Oh…what a way to be ushered into the millionaires club. As the sun rays trifled through the windows, I whispered to the magical handset that delivered the message: "Thank you darling”.

I was so animated and out of this world that my neighbours thought I had some visitors. Come morning, I made the phone call that would change my life forever.

An unsuspecting guy on the receiving end was caught off guard. He seemed to have forgotten about the competition so did some little bit of explaining.

"I am the winner of the ultimate prize blah blah…”

Its then that he remembered and he assured me that the prize is from Celtel Kenya and he was just their representative in Uganda but that he will direct me how to claim my prize.

All I was thinking about was a being a millionaire. I did not even remember that I hadn’t participated in any competition, let alone in Kenya.

I must have somehow qualified through the phone calls I make. I had little to worry about, the fact remained, I was the winner, I didn’t care how.

The man told me to meet him in Bwaise, one of the slummy areas of Kampala, not as I had imagined a posh air-conditioned office. I began to smell a rat and I saw my ‘millionaire dream’ start to fade.

I called the guy again; he was now becoming elusive. He claimed to be in the middle of a meeting and he needed some airtime to do some call the Kenyan counterparts.

Because he was in the meeting he wanted me to send him airtime worth Ush20,000 (6,700Frw). He would of course refund my money.

He told me to sit somewhere and he would pick me. After sometime, he called and asked me to send a further Ush10,000 (3,400Frw) worth of airtime, again promising that he would refund my money at once.

Though I was beginning to suspect something, I couldn’t let a mere Ush30,000 (Frw) stand in my way to ‘millionaire planet’. I duly sent the airtime.

After a long spell of waiting he called again and told me that I should come with some money on me to set up the bank transfer from Nairobi. Ush100,000 (Frw) would do the job.

It was then that I realised I was a victim of the conmen and women of this world. Thanks to my handset I invested in my hard-earned money.

I inject in the same gadget with my sweat soaked money and as if it wasn’t contented, it offered to become a channel through which good for nothing conmen could rip me off.

I felt like smashing it down, then ‘brrr brr….’ it rang.
"Hi darling….” I was smiling as I replied "Hi baby…I miss you” to the sweet voice the other end. The misery I suffered at the hands of conmen was long gone.

That’s the bitter-sweet reality of owning a mobile phone. One moment you are whining and the other you are smiling into the same gadget.

I’m not the only one though. You and I both know that much as we treasure them, these mobile phones can be a pain sometimes.

However, despite the pain, we cannot throw them in the trashcan. It is estimated that by 2012, five million Rwandans will own phones.

That’s more than half the country’s population going through daily hell. Frank, a 25-year-old consultant, has had his tribulations with the phone.

"I was in office when suddenly my phone rang, as I picked up, before I could say anything, the voice on the other end unleashed a barrage of all insults, calling me all sorts of names. I just listened and the seemingly jilted lover could not stop.

Finally she gasped for breath and I quickly asked her who she was. She was Carol and she was calling a certain Charles who abandoned her with a child. Realising I wasn’t Charles she panicked, apologised and hung up. All because she missed one digit.

Berna, a 24-year-old journalist, admits that if she could, she would abolish mobile phones. Reason being, they strip you of all your privacy to an extent that you feel like keeping your number to yourself. Everybody accesses your number at anytime and you are left with nothing.

"At least my boyfriend doesn’t check my phone but there are instances when couples break up or fight over an SMS…You cannot keep a secret with a mobile phone” adds Berna.

Chris, 28, a marketing executive, has had his times with the mobile phone.

"Apart from taking away my privacy, it has also exposed me to some individuals who are not ashamed of beeping or flashing you 100 times even if you don’t call them back. This is the most annoying thing on a mobile phone,” complains Chris.

Then there are those people in the village (no offence) who think that they have the right to beep their town folks at anytime they manage to come across anybody with a phone with ‘beeping power’ 1000 times. Whether you recognise the number or not is not their business.

And then there’s the risk it puts you at owning a phone. How about the thugs who have taken it upon themselves to snatch anything they imagine might contain a phone?

Ladies have had their bags whacked off their shoulders, leaving them for dead. You could be walking in the street, lost in the conversation on the phone and the next thing you know is somebody grabbing it at the speed of lightening. In a flash, all your contacts and important data is gone.

Jessica, 32, has one complaint. Had it not been for the mobile phone, she wouldn’t be going through the kind of trouble she’s going through at the moment.

"I have a certain guy stalking me through my phone. Despite the fact that I am married, the determined guy will call me past midnight to the chagrin of my husband. I tried to change the line several times but he would still get it the next day, probably through my most trusted friends. I reached a point of switching off the phone but not for so long for I was loosing people so fast. So I had to find a way of dealing with this obsessed guy.”

What’s more, if lying was a criminal offence, then everybody that owns a mobile phone would be behind bars.
Imagine the cheating husband who call his wife to inform her of how he will be in office until late, not knowing that with his lover he was travelling in the same bus as his wife.
This one deserves to serve some time at least. How about those nagging SMS’s you spend a whole night trying to figure out the unconventional short hand of the sender?

Debtors too don’t have a way to elude creditors like it was in the past. They will track you through it and you have no choice but to cough out the money you owe them. There’s no hiding for anyone!

Despite all these inconveniences, we wouldn’t have it any other way. At the end of the day we just have to hate to love them mobile phones. As new subscribers join to hit the five million mark by 2012, I say welcome to the world.

Contact: kagire-eddie@yahoo.com