Every morning, I felt a churning sensation in my stomach, but I didn’t know what it was. Then one day, my heart started to race, I no longer felt safe, no matter where I was. My descent into darkness began from there.

Sinister thoughts then flooded my mind like a tsunami. Voices in my head encouraged me to end my life. They reminded me of the suffering my siblings and I had endured since our parents' deaths, including nights spent without food and how relatives rejected us.

Although I wanted to cry about my losses, I could not shed tears. Internally, I wept over my inability to seek help from the loved ones I had lost.

In search of help, I gravitated around religion. Pastors and different church elders could not understand my problem and made things worse. After a long three years, I found a preacher online who had also battled suicidal thoughts.

He introduced me to the gospel of Grace and I learned that I showed all signs of depression. Once I identified my problem, I found the courage to embark on a lengthy journey towards healing.

Churches have an essential role in supporting members struggling with mental health issues like depression. When people are troubled, they often go to see church leaders, just as I did. Those leaders should be trained in mental health awareness and ready to offer appropriate referrals to licensed professionals.

Their support should be grounded in empathy, understanding, and evidence-based strategies sensitive to individual needs and circumstances. Mental health disorders are real and can be treated effectively..

The World Health Organization defines depression as a common mental disorder. Symptoms include feelings of excessive guilt or low self-worth, hopelessness, thoughts about death or suicide, disrupted sleep, and changes in appetite or weight. It is nothing like the regular mood changes that occur in everyday life. Depression can happen to anyone.

People who have lived through abuse, severe losses, or other stressful events are more at risk, and women moreso than men. Rwanda’s history of genocide also means that millions of people have experienced deep trauma and are more vulnerable to mental health problems.

The Rwanda Mental Health Survey (RMHS) of 2018 revealed that major depressive episodes affect 12% of the general population and 35% of Genocide Survivors. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) occurred in 3.6% of the general population and 27% of Genocide survivors.

To address mental health issues, the government of Rwanda has allocated counselors to health centers and decentralized and integrated mental health services from national referral hospitals to health centers.

However, many mental health resources are scarce. In 2020 there were only 12 psychiatrists in the country (1 for every million people) and only 191 mental health nurses (1 for every 66,000 people).

Today, only 5.3% of the population utilizes mental health services. This low utilization rate is partially attributed to ingrained cultural beliefs. For example, many people believe that external forces like evil spirits cause mental health disorders and can only be treated by traditional and faith healers.

Furthermore, both traditional and faith-based healing systems can be costly. Rather than being helped, individuals may find themselves financially drained by dishonest church members who engage them in fraudulent healing procedures.

This echoes my experience: in 2008, I wanted to pursue a master's in public health while working for an NGO and as a freelance journalist. I started a new job for a higher salary to help pay for my education. I felt unstoppable and thought I could finally enjoy my youth without worrying about finances.

However, after two months on my job, the stresses of everyday life were overwhelming. Even though I was accustomed to living in survival mode, it was almost as if everything was conspiring against me. Even the higher salary couldn't bring me joy.

I spent a lot of money to get other Christians to pray for me when pastors could not help me. The whole ordeal added feelings of guilt and shame to my intense sadness and hopelessness--until I finally found a pastor who understood depression and helped me.

Ultimately, Rwanda will have a well-staffed professional mental health workforce. But, today, people turn to the church, and church leaders, elders and counselors should invest in basic training in the recognition of mental health problems, so that they can counsel wisely.

This makes churches perfect allies for the Government in mental health management as they are trusted by many. By taking a compassionate and informed approach, churches can help their members find healing and hope amid the challenges of depression and other mental health issues.

The author is a documentary and concept photographer. Her work today revolves around women in Rwanda, many of whom face situations similar to her’s in the past. She has learned to support them through listening to their stories.