I am a married man and a father of four children. My wife is seven years older than myself, and she has just turned fifty seven. I am having problems with her because she is denying me my conjugal rights.

Every time I make an effort, she comes up with an excuse. I love her very much and I am not thinking of ever leaving her, or having a relationship with any other woman – but my conjugal rights need to be fulfilled. What could be the problem here, is it the age or she no longer loves me.

Joshua

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Dear Joshua,Men and women are different in many ways. One of the advantages that men have over women is the biological clock. While men are still active at your age, women on the other hand are tired.You must also take in mind that your wife is older than you; most often than not it is advised that when looking for a partner, women tend to age faster than men-the woman you want to make your wife should be younger than you-for reasons such as this. But of course we as human beings have no control when our creator has chosen someone for us.Women get tired very early in life because of what the body has gone through. Firstly, the wear and tear process of childbirth; then the burden of taking care of a family. As much as most men bring bread to the table, women on the other hand labour with making sure that the household runs smoothly. Just imagine taking care of four children, a husband and a household. Show me a person who will not be overwhelmed at one point in their lives.Have you heard of menopause? Most women at the age of your wife have reached menopause, this is the end of menstrual period for women who are aged 51 years and above. Different women experience menopause differently. Some women become sexually active, while others lose interest altogether.Some women get affected physiologically when they hit that age because they think that they are no longer attractive, and hence their self-esteem takes a nose dive. When a person’s self-esteem has been affected, believe you me nothing else will function.My advice is to take things slowly. Get time and talk to her; at this point of her life it is important to assure her that your love her for her is still strong if not stronger, so that she can regain her confidence. We all know that sex is in the mind, if your mind is sending negative signs, then nothing will excite you for this exercise.People age different. Some people will care less how they look; but some women care more about their looks after they hit the age of fifty for many reasons. One of the biggest reasons is that they are scared that their partners will not find them attractive any more, hence the feeling of insecurity. Showing lots of love and more attention to your wife will set the ball rolling.