Recently my fiancé and I have been discussing our upcoming nuptials and what we look forward to after getting married. One thing he said he was really excited about was the fact that I will take his last name.

I was quite shocked and my shock was quite evident to him too. I did not have any plans of changing my last name, and I was surprised my fiancé, who has always admired my independence, would want me to change my name. I know I shouldn’t look at it as taking away my independence but for some reason, I feel like it would be taking a part of me. Is it really a big deal to the man for his partner to take his last name? Or can this be addressed in a way that doesn’t cause too many problems? I really want to keep my last name but I don’t want to risk upsetting my future husband. Hope you can help.PatriciaDear Patricia,This is a difficult one. While as a man with his foot strictly planted in this day and age I can understand your request to keep your name, I can understand why your fiancé wants you to take his name. In ‘caveman’ terms, you taking his last name and making it yours, makes you ‘his’. We fellows are extremely possessive about the things we love, and this includes our women. We want the entire world to know that you are ‘ours’ because, we want to make sure that our rivals (fellow men) know that you are off limits. There is no better way than giving you our last name. Plus, you must ask yourself this question, if you want so much ‘independence’, then why get married?