Mad men in an asylum

Doctor goes to check out the mentally ill patients to assess those that have tremendously improved.So he draws a car on a black board and says, "Enter this car and go home people.” The patients run to the board and fight to enter. Then the doctor looks at the seats and finds one had stayed behind and was seated laughing at the others struggle.With confidence that this man is better, the doctor asks, "why haven’t you joined your friends, don’t you want to go home?”The man replied "Those people are mad, they are fighting to enter the car yet I have the keys to the car!”The Doctor said, "This one is even worse!”Three ways to catch a tiger

 Newton’s Method...Allow the Tiger to catch you and catch the tigerEinstein’s Method...

Chase the Tiger until it becomes tired and catch it.African Method...

Catch a cat and beat it until it accepts that it’s a tiger...Cheating husband

Wife: Honey, if I die would you get married again?Annoyed husband: Of course, I would. I mean staying single till death??Wife: I guess its fine, would you let her wear my clothes.Husband: No, she is kind of taller than you.That’s the last we heard of the HusbandMakeup

Boy: Where are you going?Girl: I’m going to commit suicide.Boy: Then, why So much makeup?Girl: Don’t you know tomorrow my photo will appear in the newspaper.