During the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi, rape was a regular act of violence inflicted upon Tutsi women. Between 250,000 and 500,000 women and girls were raped, and some impregnated, leaving physical and deep psychological effects. Those who conceived through the horrendous ordeal thereafter suffered stigma and discrimination because they bore ‘children of Interahamwe’—even from their own families.

At worst, other victims were infected with diseases, including HIV.

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Before the Genocide, Nyiramwiza (not her real name), was a well-raised and jolly girl with her whole future planned. The dream was to be a pilot and study in the best schools and eventually travel to see the beauty of the world.

Nyiramwiza was full of self-love and esteem. She believed in herself, but her ambitions and dreams were viciously cut short, simply because she was Tutsi.

She was 16 years old when Interahamwe militia attacked her home area, Taba, a commune located in then Gitarama prefecture, present-day Kamonyi District, and violently murdered hundreds of Tutsi, and savagely raped Tutsi women.

Her family was not spared, the bloodthirsty Interahamwe killed her parents and other family members, and this was the first time she was raped by multiple men who did the same to her mother before killing her.

"They were merciless, they raped my mother in front of me, and after, they turned on me,” she recalls.

Nyiramwiza, now 45 years old, has multiple scars from machete cuts on her body and recalls how Interahamwe burnt her mother alive after hacking her with a machete multiple times and raping her repeatedly.

"After killing my father and other male family members, they took my clothes off, tied me up, and raped me over and over again. I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. I cannot count the times I was raped nor the number of men who did that to me,” says Nyiramwiza.

"They took everything I had, erased all my dreams, and robbed my innocence and happy childhood. I was very young. I needed my parents but there I was left all alone. After being rescued by Rwanda Patriotic Army (RPA) soldiers, I had no idea if I was going to live with such wounds, I was physically and mentally broken,” she adds.

After RPF-Inkotanyi stopped the Genocide in July, and peace was being restored, Nyiramwiza then had to deal with another realisation.

"I found out that I was pregnant around the fifth month, after noticing some symptoms, and my body had changed too. It was very hard on me, I did not know what to do. My life was already miserable and that was another challenge in addition.”

‘The child of hate’

In 1995, Nyiramwiza gave birth to a girl who was conceived of rape, with no idea who the father was as she was assaulted many times.

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"I was very bitter and alone. Even family members who survived didn’t want to help me and stigmatised me like I had done something wrong. I was the one who was ill-treated but they didn’t seem to understand that. I had no one to turn to or share my sad story with,” she recalls.

Nyiramwiza’s community in Rukoma sector, Kamonyi District, refused to ‘accept’ her child and considered her a ‘child of hate’.

"They looked at my child as a reminder of what happened to us and blamed me for her existence. I had attachment issues too, yes she was mine, but it did not feel like it. By looking at her, I could see all the faces of the men who forced themselves on me,” she says forlornly.

Even though Nyiramwiza did not express love towards her child, she continued to raise her as she was all she had.

"She had no one else, even though I was broken I could not let her down. With my bitter heart, I tried my best and she was broken too because she never received parental affection,” Nyiramwiza says, adding that as she got older, she would ask Nyiramwiza repeatedly who her father was.

"She started asking me who her father was, some of my family members called her the ‘daughter of Interahamwe’ and those labels triggered her curiosity, she was very confused.”

Healing and acceptance

In December 1994, Nyiramwiza heard of an organisation, SEVOTA, founded by Godeliève Mukasarasi, a survivor of the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi, which aimed at helping widows and orphans and children born out of rape during the Genocide.

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Through the organisation, she received multiple therapy sessions to help her come to terms with the ordeals she went through.

"Being raped kills your soul. Even though I was not killed with my family, they killed my soul. I hated myself and felt like a disappointment, but sharing my story with people who had the same experience gave me hope and I chose to live,” she says.

In 2007, Nyiramwiza decided to share the traumatic story with her daughter and respond to the question about her father.

"My child was not responsible for what had happened to me, she was a victim like I was. I learnt that through SEVOTA’s therapy sessions and I have also learnt to love my child, she is the only close family relative I have, and my flesh and blood.”

Nyiramwiza’s daughter is now 28 years old and owns a bakery business. She is married with two children of her own.

After all the horror that happened to her, Nyiramwiza, who resides in Kamonyi, chose to live and strive for a better life. She is now a commercial farmer.