One week into the New Year, and everyone is trying to set priorities and create "to do” lists for an entire year. Can you imagine that? Trying to make a time table for an entire year, with just no idea what is even going to happen the very next day! To be frank, I have never been good at that sort of thing, and all the things I set out to do just never happen, or if they happen they happen at their own time, not mine.

And from that I have learnt that there is absolutely nothing you can do to make things happen the way you want them to. You just have to hope that they will. but, I still made my "to do” list and on it, one of my priorities for this new year is to be a gentle loving man to whoever I am dating.
I say "whoever I am dating” because I currently don’t know if I am dating Samantha or Jojo or both. Samantha is the new girl; Jojo is the current girl, who also happens to have a new man. In many aspects, I should be happy that she has another man; because that means that I won’t have so much work to do to leave her, and have the perfect excuse.  But that’s not the case. When I learnt about her new man, I was so blind with jealousy that I couldn’t think clearly, and it derailed all my plans to leave her. That also means that for Samantha I didn’t know what to do about her. I don’t know whether to leave her or stay with her. Well, that is one of my priorities this year; to make up my mind and move on. I don’t even have money any more to pay my own rent, but I am sure I will find a way of dealing with that. The issue is deciding who to stick with, and accepting the consequences.

Jojo is very interesting, very intelligent, and very unpredictable. She is street wise, focused, and business oriented. She is someone who would never fail once she sets her mind to do something. She is also very pretty. And during this Christmas period, I learnt that she is very sensitive too, but over time, she has learnt how to mask her feelings. To someone who doesn’t know her, she could very well be heartless. Being with her is like driving a very fast car; it has thrills, but you know that anytime, you are bound to crash. But while you drive, the rush is worth every second of the risk.

Samantha is pretty and innocent too. She is down to earth, un-spoilt, and un-scheming, not like Jojo.  Her intelligence is not like Jojo’s. She grew up in a sheltered environment, so she doesn’t have the same outlook and survivability rate as that of Jojo on the street. She is selfless, and she isn’t manipulative and cunning like Jojo. She is docile, while Jojo is aggressive. This is a good thing, but it also makes her very easy to take advantage of. Being with Samantha is like listening to cool slow music; refreshing, gentle on the ear, not about to scare you.

That, ladies and gentlemen is my dilemma. I know most people would choose Samantha, but then you forget that men are naturally self-destructive creatures. We live for the thrill, the risk, the unpredictability that Jojo presents. And even when we know that it is not good for us, we still want it. We can’t resist that rush, it’s like an addiction. That is the problem I have right now. Samantha is everything I have ever wanted in a woman; Jojo is everything that the crazy man in me wants! 

Happy New Year

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