Christmas is here, and I have no idea how I am going to even handle this whole confusion between Jojo and Samantha. I still haven’t gotten over the fact that Jojo is seeing some other guy, and it is slowly but surely driving me crazy.

She has refused to talk about it, even when I have tried to bring it up. And my relationship with Samantha is now also suffering because even though she detects that there is something wrong, I can’t tell her what is exactly wrong.

There is just no way am I going to tell her that I am jealous that my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend is seeing some other guy, so, I see her wondering, and I am insanely jealous about it. Samantha knows about Jojo, but she doesn’t know about this latest development. I had hoped I would find a solution to this mess soon, but Christmas is here and I haven’t done anything about it yet. 

But in the midst of all this confusion, I am having the best of two worlds; Jojo gives me the thrill, and Samantha gives me the peace. This is a very delicate balance that any man would like to keep forever, but also knows that it can not last. I know that sooner than later, I am going to have to make a very quick choice before the choice is made for me. and while I am still confused, I realize that Christmas is here, and I haven’t planned anything.

I bought Jojo a gift of course, something I did without giving much thought. I didn’t know what to buy Samantha, so I got her a couple of earrings. She was thrilled. Jojo looked at the gift I gave her, said thanks, pecked me and that was all. Fine, it wasn’t that expensive, but I am broke! When I saw what she had got me, I got so ashamed and indeed, I understood why she had reacted like that. She had got me a leather jacket, very nice. And I had got her a silly necklace, clearly cheap. Well, too late now, maybe for New Year’s, I will do better.

I considered staying for Christmas, but then, I remembered all that tension between me and Jojo, and I opted for my mother’s warm house and great cooking. Jojo too had the same idea, because when I went to get my bag, I found she was also packing to leave. She told me she was going to her family for Christmas, and asked where I was going. I told her I was going to my mum’s and she said ok.

Then, I noticed she had tears in her eyes. I asked her what was wrong, but she said it wasn’t time to talk about it. She said Christmas is for happy times. Then, we hugged, and she started to cry again. I didn’t know why she was crying, but I learnt about ten minutes after she was gone. She had left me a note on the fridge door. In her neat handwriting, she had written telling me that she blames herself for the rift that had developed between us. That she understands if I loathe her, and she hates herself for that. She was asking me if there was still a chance for us to go back to the way things used to be.

There was real pain in that note, and before I was done, my eyes were tearing. I had never really given thought to how sensitive Jojo was, always thinking about her mean hard side. She didn’t sound like she was going to have a very good Christmas and neither did I. For the first time, Samantha called me, and I didn’t feel like talking to her. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how this Christmas was going to be, with all this tension. I got my bag, and left for my mum’s convinced that my Christmas would be even worse than Jojo’s, because I was as confused as her!

Ends