People are very strange, there is no pleasing them. If you want to please one group of individuals you’ll get on the nerves of another bunch of homo-sapiens. And, the worst thing; getting a beating for your troubles. My back hurts because I couldn’t please all and sundry.

Here is my complaint. I decided to leave my, relatively, safe haven of Butare to go to Kigali and drink in the Shady Bar (don’t act as if you haven’t heard of it). Well, the only problem was that when I said ‘drink’, I didn’t mean anything alcoholic…and that included Mutzig.

You see, I’ve been bitten by the teetotaler bug and I wasn’t having brewed or distilled going down my throat. I can hear a collective drawing of breaths as everyone digests that thunderbolt from the blue.

"THE OLD BACHELOR DOESN’T DRINK NO MO”? "NOOOO”!Yes, it’s true; I’ve chosen a new path in life; a path that doesn’t include red eyed nights full of buffoonery and hellish mornings full of god-awful pain. Yes, that’s the path I’ve chosen.

It’s a path where all you have to spend on the most expensive drink is not more than a thousand francs…and that’s at the Serena. Isn’t it great that you can spend just a little money, have as much fun as the next person ( and even get brownie points from the ladies for being such a ‘gentle and responsible guy’ as compared to the other ‘wild fellows’ speaking to her in their beer-breathed manner), and waking up without a headache and ready to face the world with a still full wallet?

Of course it is, you gotta agree. But of course all you former fellow drunko’s will try to lessen these points. You’ll say that you have more fun. Maybe; however, I’d rather be not having as much so called fun as y’all but with more dough in my pocket and less hangover related stress.

The battle to convince the world that being a mineral water drinker isn’t a capital offence punishable by death begun with the boys as we sat and ordered drinks at the bar.

It was all ‘ Mutzig for me…Amstel…Guinness…” until I asked for " Amazi Ya Huye”. You should have seen the poisoned looks I got but everyone stayed quiet. When they asked more drinks so did I.

‘More water’, I said. As if on cue, one by one, walked behind me, called me a word that I can’t write down ( it has something to do with female canines, if you must know) and gave me a great big wallop on the small of my back!

So, here I am, in pain, wondering if I’ll be back in Kigali anytime soon.

Contact: madogz2002@yahoo.ca