Dear Aunt Silvia,

I am a middle aged man married, but my wife and I have no children. After being married for seventeen years with my wife and not being able to get any children, I decided to try it with another woman whom I have been secretly dating. How is it possible that I was able to father a child with this other woman and not my wife, because doctors both abroad and locally have assured that both of us are healthy and okay and it is only a matter of time before we get any children, but it has been seventeen years?  What exactly is the problem between my wife and me?

Cyril

Dear Cyril,
Blood compatibility is one of the reasons that make it very difficult for some couple not to be able to get children together, despite the fact that they are in perfect health. It can be very frustrating in our African society when a couple is married for a long time and they have no children.  But what people forget is the fact that getting married is not a sure ticket of having children. It is only when we have tried that we know whether we are able to get children or not.
If you have been able to live for seventeen years with your wife without children, then I believe you can last a lifetime with your wife without having to ask yourselves again as to what went wrong. I believe nothing is wrong. If you have seen doctors both locally and abroad and the answer is still the same, then you have no cause to worry. Remember Sarah in the bible? Yes, she got her son Isaac in her old ripe age, she never wavered in her faith that one day a miracle will happen, and it did. And if the two of you can’t get y
our biological child together, you can give a gift of life to some abandoned child or children, you never know maybe God has other purposes in your lives.
By the way how do you know that this child your girlfriend has is really yours, and you have not been cheated in some way? You might be excited to be a dad but you have to be very careful so that you are not disappointed tomorrow.
You know some women can be very clever, she might know your dire need of having children, then she decides that she helps you get a child, but she gets another man to be a sperm donor, all the while cheating that the child she is carrying is yours, so that she can secure her future with you.
This is a very sensitive case. I know you have mixed emotions about the whole thing, first you want this child so badly, and the other is that you don’t know how to break the news to your wife. My advice to you is that you wait until the child is born, you will cross the bridge when you get there, it might be too early for you to make any dec
isions as yet. As you wait for the little bundle of joy, we pray for you and hope that God grants the wishes of your wife of being a mother someday.

kayitesius@yahoo.com