…seek the driver’s attention by hitting a coin on the glass window.

I wonder what happens to some people’s mouths once they board a commuter taxi. You know the guys who sit silently and when the taxi/minibus reaches their destination they decide to remind the driver to stop by annoyingly hitting a coin on the glass window.

Do these brainless chaps even know that they could end up breaking that glass and thus having to pay more than their transport fare? And do we also have to endure the pain of seeing you trying to argue over such an obvious issue. You are simply proclaiming your stupidity.

…only call you when they are in trouble.
 Of course I know the saying, "A friend in need is a friend indeed.” What you need to remember is that I am basically The Hater and I hate it so much when the only time you remember to call me is when you are in trouble and in need of a Good Samaritan.

Now why don’t you just call the police emergency line or MTN/Tigo customer care? After all these are the ones who are paid to deal with emergencies not me who is paid to talk about people I hate.

I think I have done my job. Just call me when you are out of trouble. It’s high time I returned the favour.

…forget that information also expires.
I recently developed ‘new hate’ as I moved around Kigali city. Have you noticed the billboards with stale information still hanging up? Who employs people to misinform?

At Nyabugogo there is one billboard still telling us about Salax awards! Guys, I thought this was October 2011 and not April or June 2011. What about the one near Sonatubes that is still (mis)informing us about the Trade Expo at Gikondo!

Are you trying to tell us that you no longer have the energy to pull down this trash now? Ok I get it, may be you are hoping that next year’s event finds this billboard in place. It’s guys like you who keep me in business…the business of hating. 

…find you in a bar and ask you to buy them a drink.
Sometimes I think people take my hatred for granted. This is why I keep telling my editor to publish all my sentences in capital letters just so the world can know I am really angry with some people.

Now what is this stupidity of seeing me in the bar and asking me to buy you a beer? Yes, I am your friend but I had no idea I was going to find you in the bar, broke. So, please, go home and stop making the rest of us uncomfortable with your pleas.

I guess if you found me in the gents you would also try to ask me to get you toilet tissue! Get a life buddy. And some money.

…insist on crafting funny laws.
This was initially funny to me but it has actually made me hate whoever came up with it. I am talking about the announcement that motorcycle taxis should not overtake other cars on the road!

I mean, seriously?
Do we still have people who think this way and expect not to be hated? We only take these motorcycles to beat the traffic and now you want us to take them to follow the traffic! Simply because motos are involved in accidents so now they move slowly.

Is that it? I bet next time you will tell us that pedestrians are not supposed to overtake each other. Trust me this is not funny.

Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com or a text message to +250 788 545293