Dear Aunt Silvia,
I have been married for five years and have not gotten any children because of a secret I have been keeping. My husband is pressuring me to get a child but I know I will not be able to give him any children because I was impregnated when I was eighteen and my mother forcefully held me down for an abortion.

The abortion did not go well because I contracted a serious infection and my uterus was removed. I now hate my mother very much for what she did to me; and I am lost for words not knowing how to tell my husband that he married a woman with no uterus. Please, help me.
Keysha

Dear Keysha,

This is a very serious matter.

It is very unfair to get into marriage knowing that you have a Pandora box in your closet, especially as big as this one. It has never been a rule that when you enter into marriage you have to declare all your former lovers to your new husband, but something as serious as this must be discussed before hand.

I don’t know what kind of a mother will hold down their children for an abortion to be performed- at eighteen years you are already an adult, she should have given you a chance to make your decisions whether right or wrong, either way you would have no one to blame but yourself.

I know many women secretly take their daughters through abortion because of fear of what the society will say-but when the deal goes sour, they live their entire lives blaming themselves- and unfortunately the end results for some is that their daughters will never have children of their own, just like your case.

What happened to you was unfortunate but hating your mother will not bring back anything that you lost in the process.

I am sure deep down she is paying for her sins dearly even though you might not be seeing it.

What you need to do is to reconcile with your mother and both of you have to apologise to each other because you have all wronged.

Next, your husband needs to be told what happened to you-you can spare the dirty details but go straight to the point as to why you can’t have children.

It might take time for the reality to sink in, and he might also ask you for a temporary separation so that he re-thinks about his life all over again and make decisions because he will be angry with you for hiding such important information.

If he asks you for time to think about it, do not try to be difficult just let him be himself, this kind of information can cause a weak person to have a nervous breakdown, you never know just how important children are to him.

Keep your fingers crossed girl and pray hard to cross this bridge when the time comes. At the same time do not despair of not going to be a mother, being a mother does not necessarily mean that you have to carry the child in your womb for nine months.

Life has made it easier for people like you to experience motherhood through adoption. This is something you can discuss with your husband if all goes well. Take heart and forgive your mother- because it is only when you forgive that you will be forgiven.

Ends