As my search for a bride continues, I realized that I should visit the praying miracle centers.

Firstly in order to get blessings from above and secondly, to direct my eyes towards a prospective bride! One thing I had to avoid is that crazy lady who would shout at the top of her voice in the name of praying – and in the process, send an unpleasant whiff from her armpits as she raised her arms towards heaven. So, I guess my task was going to be quite difficult!

The timing could not have been any better. I happened to come across this headline somewhere; "Kigali to host international religious conference”.

Since it was such a big occasion in the lives of many devoted Christians, the holy building would be jam packed. I told myself that this would be a great opportunity for me to visit this place and torch around.

The night before, I prepared myself by pulling out my long lost suit and matching tie.

I checked out whether my shoes were polished properly. I confirmed this by smiling wide so that I could see my teeth in the shoe instead of a normal mirror.

Come D-Day. I woke up at 5am and proceeded to dress up in a manner to suggest that I was heading for a cocktail party. The only difference this time was that I was holding an object in my hands.

It was not a cell phone. It was not a briefcase. It was the holy Bible itself. I guess I had not held this book in my hands for the past seven Christmases.

That is why this book had changed its color from Blue to Brown. This brown color was nothing else but layers and layers of dust.

When I collected some tissues to clean it, I began to sneeze so much. I sneezed until the whole neighborhood thought they had been attacked by a strange disease.

By the time I was through wiping my bible, it had become as new as the Sopetrad highway itself. The bible was a gift to me ages ago when I became confirmed as a Christian. After the Bishop had laid his palms on my forehead, I became a total Christian.

In return, I received this holy book as my gift. In the inside cover, the church had printed my full names and date of confirmation.

This is the bible that I carried when I headed for the religious conference. At the entrance, I sized up all sides. I was looking for the most strategic corner.

Once I was inside, I started to search for the lady who had the biggest mouth. This biggest mouth would signify that she was a good choral singer and therefore a devoted Christian who could in turn become a suitable wife. It did not take me long to make my choice.

So after the short conference, we flocked outside for the usual hugs, pecks and gossips. My eye closely fixed to my mystery lady, I finally hooked up with her outside.

I immediately told her about my feelings towards her big and strong voice, which could change church hymns from copper to Gold. Could I therefore be consecrated to her? Well, she requested more time to think about this whole consecration business. She then told me to come back the following day for the continuation of the conference.

But my chances were to be dashed due to an oversight from my part. You see, since I was not used to attending such religious functions, I simply went back home and forgot to take my holy bible with me. While they were cleaning up the venue, pastors found it and kept it for me.

The next day, I rushed back for the conference to meet my future bride. As I settled by her side, the pastor picked his microphone and called out my full names. "Yesterday you forgot your bible here. Dear Christians, this is a very bad habit indeed”.

I was exposed. Indeed, my mystery lady made her conclusion. We could not be consecrated after all!  

Obviously, my inexperience in church matters had cost me such a big opportunity!

diaspoman@yahoo.com