Whoever coined the term "Drama-queen” is a genius. Last week my good friend Rayn caused quite a scene at the beauty salon the other day where I had accompanied her.

It was late on a Saturday afternoon and she’d been waiting for her hairstylist going on two hours when she calmly put down her magazine, picked up her coat and walked out. This would not even be worth mentioning except for one thing. Her hair was soaking wet at the time.

I know Rayn didn’t leave the beauty salon with her hair dripping in avocado conditioner to inspire other women to change the way they look like how they spend it, pass it, waste it but she did. There was a time, Rayn told me over dinner a few days later, when she would never have thought about leaving the salon before her "do” was done. "Before it happened,” she said, "I would have sat there all night.”

It is what happened to her on a Tuesday night six months ago. That was the night Rayn walked away from a car accident that, by all accounts, she shouldn’t have survived. "Suddenly, I saw how fragile and precious every single moment we have really is, and I vowed I wouldn’t waste another one,” she says. Since that day, the old folks’ admonishment to "live life to the fullest,” to "live every day as if there will not be another” has been Rayn’s blueprint for living.

And it has clearly transformed her life. She has let go of all the relationships and situations that did nothing to promote her happiness and is grabbing on to the people and things that do. And you should see her. The lady is radiant; practically glowing which got me to thinking. Just think how much richer all of our lives would be if we adopted Rayn’s live-life-to-the-fullest belief.

A quick psychic scan of many people I know well enough to share a cup of coffee with revealed how much and how often we forfeit our joy by putting our lives on hold until conditions are perfect like the dream vacation we don’t take because there is no Mr. Right or The Trophy-lady (to show off like people are some pieces of accessories) to share it with; the party we don’t attend because we don’t have anything to wear; the talents we don’t develop because we are too busy or too tired or too afraid.

I have heard many people say that the only things in life they ever really regret are the things they didn’t do. To quote Nikki Giovanni: "I really don’t think life is about the I-could-have-beens. I could have been a professional ballplayer, but I met your mother; I could have been a professional dancer, but my mother didn’t want me to go to New York; or any variation of the theme. Life is only about the I-tried-to-do. I don’t mind the failure, but I can’t imagine that I’d forgive myself if I didn’t try.”

Out of this philosophy has come "Rayn’s List”, a catalogue of time-wasting, energy-draining, spirit-depleting behaviours that she has dropped from her life like a hot potato. For weeks, she kept bugging me to compile my own. "Do it,” she insisted, "and it will change your life.” Spirit of a good friend..

And so I did.

And it has.

While it’s still a work in progress, I hope you’ll find something on my list that will help you to get started on your own. Here I go

NO MORE. . . drinking senselessly and partying like a mad man.

Am making healthy drinking choices that serve me and my body temple, yes. But not binge-drinking partying like as if am replica of Charlie Sheen .

NO MORE. . . affirmative responses when it’s supposed to be negative.

This is the first step toward curing ourselves of what Bill Cosby meant when he said, "I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” It’s tough at first, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. And all discomfort you may feel fades in the face of what you get back; your time and your life.

NO MORE . . . vowing to settle an old score.

It hurts the person holding a grudge more than the person they have it against. My mum once told me that when we hold grudges we can’t get any peace of mind. After ten years, we continue to remember the incident as though it happened yesterday. This includes all the tit-bits of the action, the emotional pain, psychological pain......etc. In the long run, a person gets consumed with grief, sorrow, anger and this consumes all the space in his/her life that would have been used for uplifting productive thoughts.

NO MORE. . . viewing challengers as anything other than opportunities to grow.

Like Joseph Campbell said: "Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.” Need I say more?

NO MORE . . . mistaking being alone with being lonely.

I know many single people who have made this mistake in their life and they include both men and women. According to Wendy Wasserstein, "No matter how lonely you get or how many birth announcements you receive, the trick is not to get frightened. There’s nothing wrong with being alone. "Isn’t It Romantic”

NO MORE . . . fussing about what I don’t have, can’t do, or have yet to achieve.

Remember: Life is not so much a matter of position as of disposition.

NO MORE . . . bugging other people telling them how to live their lives.

Instead, I’m going to concentrate on living mine to the fullest. A pint of example is worth a gallon of advice.

NO MORE. . . destructing my dreams by fearing the unknown.

After all, faith is the soul daring to go further than it can see.
jeav202@yahoo.com