I’ve become an agony aunt of sorts. Over the last few days, at least three workmates have confided in me about their personal lives. I’m surprised that people trust me enough to bare their souls to someone they’ve hardly known for a month, and especially because I don’t talk much myself.
I’ve become an agony aunt of sorts. Over the last few days, at least three workmates have confided in me about their personal lives.
I’m surprised that people trust me enough to bare their souls to someone they’ve hardly known for a month, and especially because I don’t talk much myself.
Nevertheless, I’m glad those people felt I could help. One guy just broke up with his girlfriend of two years and he’s really hurting.
He caught her with another man after months of suspecting she was cheating on him. He’s inconsolable and even took some time off work.
"I gave her everything. I don’t know what women want…,” he told me, when I asked if he has any idea why she cheated on him. I’m a woman and in cases like this, I usually side with the girl.
Girls don’t just cheat or lie about their feelings. We’re the caring and all-loving gender and don’t just hurt people. All those research findings about sex being more emotional for women and physical for men are true.
In most cases, a woman who is married or in relationship will proudly say so because even in this day and age, women still regard having a mate as the ultimate achievement.
Flip the coin and the married man or one who is in a steady relationship will most likely lie that things are not working with his wife or girlfriend, when he meets a new woman.
So I believe this girl who cheated on my colleague must have had a genuine reason, or two for doing so and I told my friend the same. Perhaps her mistake was in not ending her relationship with him first before moving on to the next guy.
The other guy’s problem is more complicated. His girlfriend is pregnant. She’s not exactly underage but is still in school and doesn’t want her parents to know.
He wants her to terminate the pregnancy but I told him that, that is not okay, not just before God but for the girl too.
Imagine wanting a child five years from now and not being able to have one because something went wrong during the abortion, I told him. "Why don’t you make things formal?” I suggested.
"You like her enough to make her pregnant so why don’t you just go ahead and marry her?” "But you see Sophie, I’m not ready for that. I’m still young, I still have many things to accomplish and I just don’t see myself taking on such responsibilities,” he replied.
I gave this one a good talk. "Well Jeff,” I said, "did you stop to think that maybe you are too young to be having sex anyway? And don’t you know about protection?” I doubt many people ever feel 100 percent ready to settle down.
If everyone waited to have enough money or the perfect partner, there wouldn’t be weddings. I advised him to take responsibility for his actions and prepare for fatherhood.
My third "patient’s” problem was also about a girl, which made me wonder if all guys have issues with women. This one is smitten by a certain girl but doesn’t know how to win her heart.
The competition is very "tight” and he wanted to know if I had any tips to earn him extra points. You know, men assume that all girls want loads of cash and flashy cars. And there are many who do but there are also girls who just want a good man with a caring heart.
It’s the reason rich men’s wives end up with their shamba boys or drivers because at the end of the day, it’s love and not money that counts the most.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t make an effort to get a decent job and provide for your loved one but a lot more goes into a relationship than just money. Something tells me I’d make a good shrink.
To be continued...