Dear Aunt Silvia,
My wife and I have been married for the last seven years. We have three children together. I love my wife very much but I am almost leaving her because of her laziness.

My wife is so lazy she can hardly delegate chores to the house helps let alone lift a finger to do any chore in the house. Everything in the house was so disorderly until I stepped in myself.

I have to make sure I leave office early so that I go home and give orders to my house helps and to prepare my children for school for the next day.

Two months ago I was promoted at my work place, which means more work –but I feel I am under performing at work because I have taken over the house responsibilities because of my wife. What should I do?
Anthony

Dear Anthony,
Seven years is a long time for you to have swallowed quietly at your wife’s laziness. I am afraid to say that it is almost too late to turn the hand of time.

I always emphasize that man and woman should discuss these issues before they agree to settle down. It is advised to go through counselling sessions so that each one of you knows what is expected of them from day one.

Contrary to what people think, counselling is not all about sex and money in marriage but other responsibilities as well. I understand where your wife is coming from.

If she grew up in a home where they were not taught to be home makers, then it can be a little hard to bend a grown fish.But then all that is water under the bridge.

My view is that you have not pulled enough effort for her to realise that life is not a joke.  How do you live with a person for seven years and say nothing about her laziness? You know at some point we all get used to some things.

I am thinking that if you were doing all the chores for her from day one of marriage-then you should only blame yourself for having spoilt her rotten.

Albeit too late though, you still need to make her understand that she is the woman of the house and it is up to her to make sure that she delegates everything in the house, if she can’t get down and do the chores herself.
You also need to explain the money factor here.

You can’t be a mother and father and be expected to provide for the entire family. You have just been promoted and so you need to work hard and prove that the promotion did not go to the wrong person.

Maybe you need to change a few things like reducing her monthly allowance, so that she can feel what it will mean when you are to be fired from your job because of underperforming.

Time for your wife to wake up and smell the coffee. If she cant do that by herself then I suggest bring a cup of coffee closer to her nose so that she can smell it; this means that you need to have feet made of iron, otherwise your children will suffer the consequences here if you get fired.

If at all your wife has an up bringing excuse – then I suggest look for a college around and enrol her to take cooking skills.

You can also go an extra mile by asking the college to teach her house chores and responsibilities.

If it means taking your wife back to school to learn the basics in life, then so be it! A man got to do what a man got to do.

Ends