…pretend that their line is breaking when you call them.

I am tired of coming across amateur crooks with amateur stunts. I am talking about those of you who pretend there is a problem with your phone just because you owe me money or simply don’t want to talk to me.

This childish business of, "Hello, hello, I can’t hear you…” Well this is a very old stunt and tired trick. Just pay me my money and stop pretending to be a telecom engineer to tell me about network problems.

How come before you received my call your line was busy? Does the network coverage disappear when my name appears off your phone screen? You need to try some better tricks if you do not want me to hate you. 

…give themselves academic titles without qualifying for them.

I thought that in order to get an academic title added to your name one had to go to school and they qualify in a particular profession.

For example, I attended the University of Hatred and I was awarded my degree and that is why I am called The Hater. But what is this business of Dr. Chameleon? Another dude in Tanzania calls himself Professor Jay.

So what does he teach? And if Chameleon is a Doctor how come he could not treat himself when he broke his legs. So if Dr. Claude is not at the Guma Guma road shows which hospital can I find him during working hours?

Can the responsible Education Ministries explain this nonsense quickly?

…instead of performing start allocating tasks.

Oh I know you have attended those shows where the guy on stage has nothing to sing other than, "Amashyiiii…” Dude I paid to see you perform and I will only clap when I am impressed by what you are doing.

I am not here to take instructions beckoning to clap. I thought I heard your song on radio before coming for the show.

There was nothing about clapping. Please, stick to the lines or I will not attend your shows again. Otherwise I suggest you record a song about clapping. How about I step on the stage and offer you a hot slap in your teeth? 

…take on crazy ideas from other idle human beings.

After years of civilisation, I would expect people to be spending their time doing productive things. But then there is this group of idle people with idle friends who have gone on a stupid rampage doing something called planking.

In case you don’t know what planking is all about then I suggest you search for it on Google. In brief, these guys find a place and lie flat on the ground then take a photo and post it on Facebook or Twitter. If this is not boredom then I don’t know what else to hate. 

…pretend to be the best yet they are a bunch of criminals.

Journalists like to present themselves as very intelligent and righteous people in society. I therefore have no reservations of when it comes to hating those jokers who were working for The News Of The World newspaper.

Hacking people’s phones to get information is a gross breach of ethics. In fact I have decided to not to become a celebrity since these fools were mainly targeting celebrities.

What happened to good old journalism? Why use underhand methods to pretend you are the best. I feel like calling the owners of this newspaper but they may try hacking into my Karasharamye phone. So I will just hate them.

Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com or a text message to +250 788 545293