Dear Aunt Silvia,
I have had a friend for over forty years. This is one man whom we went to school with; played with when we were young and even in our adult lives we bought houses next to each other.

Unfortunately this friend passed on a year ago abroad where he had shifted base together with his wife and three young children. Even though we were age mates, for some reason I remained single.

After the death of my friend I feel time has run out on me and I need to start a family. The only problem I have is that I have fallen in love with my friend’s widow.

We have been very close since her husband’s death, and I feel wrong to approach and tell her my true feelings and I don’t know how she and other family members will take it, because I intend to make her my wife the soonest.
Anthony

Dear Anthony,
It is natural for you to fall in love with your friend’s widow because in your mind you want to relieve her of the pain she is going through for losing her husband.

This closeness is nothing strange; remember you were her husband’s closest friend and confidante so you have been part of them for a long time.

But then as much as you want to marry this woman, I feel the need to ask you to give her a little bit of time so that she can be able to mourn her husband until the day she is ready to take another leap in her life.

I know what is going on in your head right now is that you want to support her and the children both emotionally and financially, but it might not be the right moment for you to make a move and propose to her when she is still mourning her husband.

People have different ways of mourning, some people take a long time to get over the death of a spouse while others decide to go into a relationship immediately so that they stop hurting immediately.

According to your story it looks like this woman is not aware of your feelings; which means that she is still mourning her departed spouse and that is why she is not able to see your advances.

For as long as you give her space to mourn and get over with, I see nothing strange in your proposal.

Also just know that whether you marry this widow or marry a virgin, people always have a reason to talk about somebody, so don’t let anybody’s talk come your way.

No matter what happens to our dear ones life has to continue at some point, and some times it is even better when a closest friend takes over to take care of his friend’s family than a total stranger.

You will not be the first man to marry a widow of a best friend. In fact in some of our African culture it was the brother of the deceased who used to marry his brother’s widow and assume the role of a husband, almost immediately after all the burial rights have been observed.

I want to believe your feelings for this woman are pure and you have her best interest at heart. Give her time and take one step at a time, by the time she realizes she will be into your love willingly and will appreciate you even more for standing by her at the time she needed you the most. This is not the time to take the bull by its horn, go slow but sure.

Ends