Depression is a chronic feeling of emptiness, sadness, or inability to feel pleasure that may appear to happen for no clear reason. It is distinct from grief and other emotions. Some people may struggle with depression without even knowing it, thinking they are passing through a depressed mood, loss of the energy and motivation periods.

Roughly 25 per cent of Rwandans struggle with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and one in six people suffer from depression according to Rwanda Mental Health study.

A Survey conducted by Rwanda Mental Health in 2018 revealed that the level of awareness toward mental health services offered stands at 61.7 per cent, versus a 5.3 per cent utilization rate.

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Depression can undermine a person’s relationships, make working and maintaining good health very difficult, and in severe cases, may lead to suicide. It can affect adults, adolescents, and children.

A 28-year-old female who preferred to remain anonymous shared her journey of struggling with depression unknowingly for years, and how things changed after being diagnosed.

Her testimony

I had my first episode of major depressive disorder in 2019 at the age of 24. I had been under a tremendous amount of stress, having just gone through my parent’s divorce, while simultaneously working on my master’s final research.

At that time, I was away from my friends and family, I had no one to talk to about my personal feelings. I remember I could cry myself to sleep every night, with that pain it never crossed my mind that it might be depression, I just thought it would pass with days but it never did.

Mornings were the worst. It was difficult to get out of bed and looking forward to the day ahead was impossible, the beauty of the outside held no interest. Exercise is recognized as a relief for stress, I found that true however 45 minutes at the gym did not change the rest of the day.

Even though I was not near my family and friends, I could talk to them on daily basis but I did not want to worry them as for my siblings we had some similar issues and I needed to be stronger than them as a firstborn, I wasn’t allowed being weakened by the situation that was what I thought.

Since my early age, I have always found comfort in reading but in those days, I was not able to read even one page because I could not focus for more than two minutes, that when I released it was more than just a depressed mood and bad days. Since then I started to search about depression symptoms.

The strange thing was that after all these years of living with it, I did not know very much about depression. I thought it was entirely a problem of depressed mood and loss of energy and motivation. I finally started to read about it in great depth.

People will call your name, recognizing someone they think they know. But looking back at you from the mirror is a stranger with a haunted, hopeless expression. You remember once experiencing anticipation and joy but it feels like those emotions occurred in a far-off, never-to-be revisited galaxy.

You recall happy memories like scenes from a movie once viewed, not as something personally experienced

Her healing Journey

By reading more about depression I find out that it is an illness and I tried to treat myself by following what some articles suggested but it would help for weeks then turn back to my dark days, the option of seeking help in mental health services was my last pick.

I did not see myself looking for psychiatric services, it’s sad how we consider it for "crazy people” while we are very sick, I was not getting better then I decided to consider mental health services. By the start it was not easy but because I wanted to get better I strived for it.

lack of knowledge about where to seek mental health services is among the reasons that prevent people in Rwanda from accessing mental health services, I had no idea where I can find mental health services or any information of the kind of health insurance they use but through a friend, I find out that I can be helped in Icyizere Psychotherapeutic center.

That was a big step because I could at last imagine the possibility of getting better. I could see that I was not worthless by nature, that there were reasons my mind had trouble focusing and that the frequent slowdown in my work and thinking was rooted in this illness.

As anyone dealing with life-long depression will tell you, setbacks happen. There is no simple happy ending. But if you’re lucky, an inner shift occurs, and the new normal is a decent life rather than depression.

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It took a while and so much work and efforts from me and specialists who helped me, to be the happy old me again but it happened anyway I surely needed to be saved, for now I cannot say I am fully recovered but thanks to medication and therapy sessions I am doing well.

If I were to give one piece of advice to others who are struggling, it would be not to suffer in silence. There are people out there who have been through everything that you are experiencing and have come out on the other side. In fact, their experiences have made them who they are today. It may seem impossible to overcome but believe me, you will get there.

If I had not been through these things, I would not have learnt that the most important thing in life is to be happy.

How to know you are suffering from depression

According to Psychological professionals, symptoms of depression can be complex and vary widely between people.

"If you are depressed, you may feel sad, hopeless and lose interest in things you used to enjoy, severe headache for some” said Aimee Josianne Umulisa Psychologist at Aheza Healing and Career Center.

"Depression can often come on gradually, so it can be difficult to notice something is wrong. Many people try to cope with their symptoms without realizing they are unwell. It can sometimes take a friend or family member to suggest something is wrong.”

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Umulisa urged that to effectively treat depression, it is important to seek help from a mental health care professional

"As with any chronic illness, getting an early medical diagnosis and medical treatment may help make depression symptoms less intense or last a shorter time. It may also reduce the likelihood of a relapse.”

In a Survey conducted by Rwanda Mental Health in 2018 revealed that the most popular mental health problem in Rwanda is depression, panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, alcohol and substance use disorders, psychotic disorders, suicidal behavior disorders.