Dear Aunt Silvia,

I am a young single mother of three; I am engaged to marry a widower with two children. This man has already introduced me to his family, but I am afraid that children might give me a hard time trying to settle down in their home. What should I do to let these children know that I will love them as my own?

Sheilah

Dear Sheilah,

I am happy to know that you have such a rare and beautiful heart. Many women today get married to widowers and the first thing that they seem to want to accomplish in that house is to make the children miserable, forgetting that those children did not choose to lose their mother.

I understand your fear because of the many stories we have heard outside here, but one thing that should be clear is that every household has different problems. If you want to be happy life in your new home, first strike a mother-children relationship with your step children. Talk to them and tell them that you are not there to replace their mother. Tell them that you are not their enemy but their friend.

Treat all the children as equals, do not at any given time show favouritism, because once your step children sense that, they will automatically hate you and your children and make your lives a living hell. Involve yourself one hundred percent in their day to day lives. Make sure that if it is homework all children do their home work at the same time, so that you can help all of them at once, because it can be a daunting task taking care of five children.

During school activities, make sure you attend with your husband in all the school activities for all the children, if you let your husband attend these activities for his two children alone, the children will still feel motherless. Above all show them love and they will shower you with love in return, seek guidance from God every day because it can be quite a challenge for you.

Teach them to pray and to love one another as brothers and sisters. Instil the culture of praying together because a family that prays together stays together. Teach them to respect both the young and the old –have an open dialogue with them at least once a week so that they can update you on what is going on in their personal lives, and where help is needed, do not tire to help them out.

Sometimes it is not easy– if you encounter difficulty with the step children, remember not to fight back but to show love. In the end the good will triumph over the evil.

Ends