A few years ago, I received some visitors from the Diaspora .They used to be my close pals during my days in the foreign lands. Those were the days when I had mastered the art of telling a few white lies.

For example, I had told these friends of mine that I was in the Diaspora on a scholarship and that my father was a former government minister who used to sit and discuss important matters in cabinet meetings.

But the truth of the matter is that I was a small person who had rushed abroad to seek for greener pastures during the mid 90s! So, after my return to Rwanda, my friends in the Diaspora made a surprise visit.

They called me upon arrival at the airport. "Hey rich boy, we are here in Rwanda! Please come pick us – we would like to have a chance to rub shoulders with VIPs!”

I was cooked. I had to act fast. That is why I decided to Google very quickly for an actor.

I started to search around for an old man who would pretend to be my former government minister-dad. Meanwhile, I told the visitors that I was held up in a meeting and I assured them that I would hook up with them at their hotel.

At around 6pm, I hoped onto a moto which took me to their very expensive hotel. We had fun tanking booze and talking about our Diaspora days. By the time I left at mid-night, the bill was settled by one of the visitors with the use of his Visa credit card. Before leaving, they requested me to take them around and to visit my "Dad”.

They claimed that they had never had a chance to speak to a former government minister. This surely was a tough test for me and I had to do my homework very carefully.

Okay, the plan had to be hatched. For once, Aggrey was on my side and he promised to contact one of his rich friends who happened to own a powerful farm in Ndera. Our plan was to take my visitors to this modern farm in Ndera to see our Friesian cows.

The farm was one to admire. There was a powerful double storied house with fully equipped DSTV gadgets.

It was constructed at the hill top from where you had a nice view of Kigali city as the cattle moved around feeding. Wow! All I had to do was to find a suitable old man who would pretend to be my former minister dad.

 But somehow, I failed to Google for the old man and that is why I decided to settle for one of the cattle keepers on the farm. Among the several cattle keepers around, I selected one who had some small knowledge of English.

I quickly bought him a razor blade so that he could shave his funny looking beard. I then lent him my expensive suit and shoes. I gave him instructions not to speak too much. I just told him to utter the following words to my visitors "Welcome to Rwanda” and "God bless you”

Fine, now was the time to pick my visitors from the hotel. Aggrey lent me his Prado for the day. I first took the visitors around Nyarutarama and showed them some superb bungalows.

I boasted to them that one of the un-finished bungalows was mine. I told them that I had decided to halt construction as I waited for some engineers from China to arrive and correct some architectural errors committed by our local guys.

After an hour or so, we arrived at this powerful farm in Ndera. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my Dad’s home, he has decided to retire at his farm and enjoy life.”

As we stepped out of the Jeep, I spotted my "Dad” seated in the gardens. I pointed at him and proudly announced to my visitors, "Let’s go meet my Dad over there”. But to my surprise, my "actor dad” happened to have opened bottle after bottle of whisky.

He had downed all of them and that is why he leapt out of his stool like a mad man shouting at the top of his voice! "Boss Boss, wakoze chyaaaane inzoga wanguriye!” Then he gave each visitor a serious hug and started to blurt out a chain of broken English.

"You were cantankerously very welcome to our home. Please, feel free! This is your home also, do not be shy, drink drink drink….ha ha ha…” 

diaspoman@yahoo.com