Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.

And already, I have received 4 different SMSs from prospective chain keepers who have expressed the desire to be my Valentine! Ehh! In my dreams of course! Instead, I have been sending SMSs to ladies but they have all ignored me! I might as well just hang my boots and spend Valentine’s Day watching Basketball on RTV.

I will watch the basketball games and reflect back on the good old days when Valentine’s Day meant a lot to us. For us, such days meant dressing up in serious red colours and enjoying the evening sipping on some red wines with our dates. That was during the mid 90s.

It was during those days when we had befriended a cool guy known as Afande Niko. This guy was well known for spending loads on cash whenever the ladies were within the vicinity.

Afande Niko always took us for his escapades. Since he was loaded with cash, it was always such a privilege for us to escort him and guzzle untold litres of all tribes of booze. But on one valentine’s night, Afande Niko surprised us when he told us to stay behind.

We were surprised because usually Afande Niko tended to dodge his girlfriends whenever such special occasions occurred.

He claimed that girlfriends did not give him the breathing space that he would normally require while in the presence of several other beauties.

Whenever he was out partying with friends, his head started to behave like a car wiper. He would be seen turning his head from left to right at breakneck speed. This is because of the many chicks criss-crossing, leaving behind a sweet smelling perfume.

So when Afande Niko’s head started to dance around like a car wiper, his girlfriend became restless and possessive. Her reaction to such a situation was not to leave the area in total defeat.

She did not retreat to a corner to shed tears. No way! Instead she positioned her elbow in a strategic angle before shoving it deep into Afande Niko’s rib cage. When her sharp elbow hit Afande Niko under his diaphragm, he would try not to make a scene.

Instead he would slowly sneak away to the toilets in case he had to throw up. In such circumstances, Aggrey and I would try to distance ourselves further from the couple.
So, on that Valentine’s night Afande Niko decided that it was time for him to propose.

He bought a real bottle of red wine. He also brought along a vase of red roses. He then enclosed a diamond ring and started practicing on how to propose.

Afande Niko set off   for his mission. We were later told that that his mission started quite well at a cozy joint in town.

Afande Niko and his girlfriend enjoyed the cool breeze and some romantic music in the background. At the opportune moment, Afande Niko pulled out the vase of red roses. "This is for you my special valentine”.

Before his girlfriend could absorb it in, Afande Niko pulled out the bottle of red wine. The girl was getting overwhelmed.

Then the real moment arrived. Afande Niko pulled out the engagement ring. It was now time to break the ice. Afande Niko was on the verge of proposing.

But just as he prepared to kneel down in front of his chick, pandemonium ensued. From nowhere, another tough looking girl came marching towards Afande Niko. Before Afande Niko could duck backwards, the intruder gave him a hot slap on his right cheek.

"How dare you treat me like this? Did you not promise to be my valentine? Where is my engagement ring? Eh eh?” 
Afande Niko was in trouble. He had arranged to please one girl at the expense of another.

Now Mr. Valentine was losing both of them. As his first girlfriend picked her handbag to flee in tears, she made sure that justice was done. That is why she also gave Afande Niko a hot slap. This time it was on his left cheek. 

diaspoman@yahoo.com