I am a young lady who recently graduated. I come from a very wealthy and successful family. We are sixteen children from two mothers and one father. For many years, I have tried to understand my family in vain. Whereas other children from other families are encouraged to be the best in whatever field they have pursued and love each other as well. We on the other hand, have been taught to compete against each other, to a point where my elder siblings are rivals each wanting to outshine the other. I live alone and I rarely associate with my other siblings because even when we meet you can tell that none is happy for the other- a situation which has made me resent my family. What do I do to help my family love each other?

Paula

Dear Paula,
Fear not my child. Usually every parent wants the best for their children, and when they see their children successful, they feel very happy and have achieved what they wanted for them. Sometimes, some people are over ambitious to an extent of competing with even their own family members. I don’t think the rivalry amongst you sixteen children was created by yourselves, but by your parents; in fact it is the doing of your mothers in their quest to be better than the other. Being overly ambitious can be very dangerous at times, because one can be very ruthless and heartless, caring for nothing but for his/her success.

You see, sometimes, when you hear of successful stories; there is always a family behind every successful man or woman. It is almost impossible for a successful person to have done everything by himself without at least getting some help from one family member or two. In fact, what I know is that since you are coming from a polygamous family, such things are common. Each mother wants her children to be better than the other woman’s. This rivalry between two women married to the same man and each competing against the other, is what is projected to you children, hence hatred and rivalry has become part of you.

You are young, but you can still try and make your family understand that if each child goes their own way without caring for another sister or brother, then it will eventually bring your family down. What will happen when your father passes on? Does it mean that each one of you will grab what is rightfully theirs, and take to their heels and leave without as much as caring about the empire your father built for you; his children? Do you care about his legacy at all?

Brothers and sisters are meant to love and care for each other deeply. Whether they are successful or not, rich or poor. A good time to make your point heard can be through a family re-union where everybody will be there. Arrange for one and invite everybody to it, in the process, announce your intentions to your entire family, then give each of the parents’ time to say something and iron out all these issues. Let whoever has wronged the other, apologise and forge a way forward as a family and not as individuals. A journey of a thousand miles starts with a step. Siblings are meant to compliment each other and not the other way round. Ball is in your court girl- play the best way you know how and I wish you the best.

Ends