It is during this Christmas time that you remember family, the embarrassment as you pick up the phone to call a person you last called last Christmas, then you both apologise as you have neglected each other.

It is now that you remember the bonds that tie you, the bloodlines that go back in time. In the old days we all lived together on a homestead, and we were all within reach but now all our families are scattered. It would cost thousands of dollars in plane tickets, just to get my extended family together and it would require logistical precision
Family is really important at Christmas, in the UK suicide rates go up during the festive season, some people who just work all year are suddenly alone at Christmas and depression sets in. So even in Europe, people remember their relatives and drive great distance just to be with loved ones.

There is plenty of food and drink, you all watch TV together, and then fall asleep with the food knocking you out. That is similar to Rwanda, except instead of watching TV we actually talk to each other.

It makes you realize that family is hard work, in this world where you can live in separate worlds but be neighbours; it is something worth striving for. Family doesn’t come naturally; it is like gathering stones that have kicked far from their original spots.

My family is quite illustrative of many Rwandans; we have all levels of the socio economic scale and several religions, points of view and locations. If we weren’t related we would barely speak, but that bond is all that matters and it should get stronger. My father used to know the latest news of all his relatives even if he hadn’t seen them in years.

The breakdown of our clan identities is causing us to forget our extended families; my friend got married recently and found out his wife’s clan on her Gusaba. As a modern couple they didn’t care about the clan dynamics, but that system originally was devised to stop inbreeding but also put you in a family tree that gave you pride and identity. The social evolution of society sees the breakdown of clans, extended family, and then the nuclear family. It is bad to have nepotism and favouritism but it is important to keep your identity.

There is a funny story about Somalia, Siad Barre was a communist and officially banned the clan system, but Somalis would instead ask "what is your former clan?”

We all know the damage that clans have done to Somalia but a happy medium can be found. You should do all you can to hold that bond because life is changing, a child today can fail to recognize his own relatives. Then you can forget your relatives till next Christmas, and then say the same thing next year. If there is a resolution I have for next year, it is family, family, family

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