Dear Aunt Silvia

My wife and I have been married for twenty three years and we have 5 children. We have been sleeping in different bedrooms for 6 years now. We have always had a problem of communication between us; we can’t seem to agree on anything. Since we started living in different rooms, matters became even worse. Now our eldest daughter is getting married, yet we can’t make any decision because of our differences, what should I do?

Ferguson.

Dear Ferguson,

Many people in marriages today are experiencing almost the same thing, of love gone sour because of lack of communication.

It is also very unusual for somebody to just one day walk out of her marital bed more especially for a woman, without having any tangible reasons. Personally, I have a feeling that your wife was hurt by something she saw or heard, but was afraid of confronting you to get to the truth of the matter.

Such people who do not talk usually take drastic actions when they have reached the end of the road for them to continue persevering.

Learning to have effective communication in marriage is one of the most important aspects of marriage that a couple can work on.

Communication in marriage is not about being understood by each other, communication is about handling what another person thinks and feels. Communication break downs occur because you don’t like what the other person is saying, or not saying, yet you can’t communicate, yet marriage is all about being able to handle the message the other person is sending.

When two people are able to handle the message, honesty increases. And when honesty in a relationship increases, you grow more as an individual and closer together.

Through this growth you are capable of reaching new levels of passion and intimacy. I don’t even understand how you could stand being away from each other for six years, unless you are not telling the whole truth.

Well it is high time you put your differences aside for the sake of your daughter who is preparing for marriage, and I also wonder what advice she will give to her daughter when she is behaving like this with you.

As parents please come together and discuss your daughter’s issue, and you never know, this wedding might be a double blessing- it might bring you closer, forgive each other and go back to how you two used to be when you first met.

Believe you me every household has its own problems; it is how we handle them that makes the difference. You have to make an effort to make peace with your wife immediately.

Ends