Dear Aunt Silvia,
I am a single mother of one beautiful girl whose father denied paternity when I was still in college. I managed to finish my education though with lots of difficulties. Now my daughter is eighteen and wants to know who her father is, and I am totally against it. What do I do- my daughter is supposed to go for studies abroad, but she has refused to go until she gets to meet her father first.
Casandra.

Dear Casandra,
I think your child or any other child for that matter has every right to know who their father is despite the circumstance to which they were born in. Keeping secrets seldom does anyone any good and it is usually best not to keep them.

This is especially true when it comes to the identity of a child’s father or mother.

Allowing your child to know who her father is does not mean allowing the father to take the child away from you.

Children have a natural curiosity about who they are in relation to their natural parents. Withholding half of that information can make them feel they are missing something.

When it comes to this situation that you have found yourself in, then you have no otherwise but to tell your daughter who her father is. If the father was abusive and rejected you after she was conceived that is upon you to decide how much information you want to tell the child.

Your daughter is a big girl so she will decide what she wants after whatever information you tell her and know that putting down the father is not a good idea either because after all he is still her father.

I do concur with your daughter about knowing the identity of her father and getting in touch with him to know about his family if he has any. Remember your girl is now big and going out to the world, what happens if tomorrow she brings you a fiancée who is her half brother? Or if she brings her father to you as her future husband? Have you ever thought about such things?

The world my dear has become a global village and funny things are going on; do not ruin the life of your daughter just because your relationship with her father never worked out.

May be the father might be having a family of his own, but whether he introduces her to them or not is entirely up to him, but for you, you must do your part and let your daughter know her father.

It is not the end of the world for you, the girl will not love you less just because she has met her father, in any case she knows where her bread is buttered, she is a big girl to know that believe you me.

If you insist on hiding the identity of your daughter’s father, then you are bound to face difficulties in future with your daughter. Blood is thicker than water, remember.

Whether you introduce them to each other or not, their paths will come to cross one day, and the circumstances that you will find yourself in will not be so good- better now than later.