I had always been one of the "good” kids who never smoked, took drugs, drunk alcohol, or got sexually active until I fell in love. This was with another "good” kid—the kind whom every mother wished her daughter would date. We were about to graduate from secondary school, go to university, get married, and probably have a child or two.

However, our physical attraction went so far and we became sexually active. I was 17 years old and he was 19 years old.

Two months later, we decided we could not handle a sexual relationship. We felt guilty, because premarital sex is against everything we believed in. We agreed to stop the sexual relationship.

Four months later, while my mother and I were shopping at a local grocery store in Kimironko, she asked me if everything was okay since she had noticed that I had not had my periods of late.

She asked me if I was pregnant and I told her NO! (In my heart I was like OH MY GOD!) My mum was a straight woman and I couldn’t believe I was pregnant.

"Not me! Something like that wouldn’t happen to me,” I told myself. The next day, we went to see a doctor for a pregnancy test and it was positive. Mum told dad, my boyfriend told his parents too. The following day, together with our parents we met and they talked for a few hours. Our parents were hurt, shocked and disappointed since they had trusted me.

Four days after that meeting, I went to a pregnancy counselor and to my mother’s obstetrician. I was approximately 21 weeks pregnant. I also went for an ultrasound test and I was shown the picture of the baby.

Not a Perfect Pregnancy

After the many tests, the troubles began. Even though my family was rich, we didn’t have enough money to cover the cost of my pregnancy. My dad too, didn’t feel like contributing a dime towards his humiliating daughter who had disgraced him among his big friends; but as we say in Kinyarwanda, "Ibyaye ikiboze, irakirigata” literally meaning, "taking care of your own.”
My family and my boyfriends’ agreed to switch to a cheaper obstetrician.

I was diagnosed with "placenta previa.” This is when the placenta is underneath the baby in the uterus and covers the opening of the uterus completely or partially. A natural delivery would most likely kill the baby.

They also discovered that kidney stones which seemed to have been caused by bacteria were present. Meaning that, after birth, I would probably need surgery! I had also gained so much weight; that swooped away my beautiful figure.

I was quite drastically, and emotionally, weighed down. Then we discovered I had a lot of sugar in my urine, so I had to restrict my sugar intake. Around this time I had my second ultrasound, which revealed that my placenta was now safely out of the way. Thank GOD!

Life Decisions

There were several decisions to make. The first one was what to do with the baby. Abortion was not an option. My first instinct was to give the baby up for adoption but my mum told me I could never live with that and she was right. So, we were keeping the baby.

The next decision was how to support the baby. Were we to try to get jobs? Should we depend on our parents to support us and our baby for the next five years? We decided the best decision was for us to continue our education.

This way, we would be able to support ourselves and our baby fully in five or six years’ time. So our parents decided to play a role. I imagine if I didn’t have parents or if they were poor, I would be dead!

My boyfriend decided to get done with high school first as I waited for the birth of our baby. We were planning to get married later after I delivered but before all that we had to stay in our respective homes. We were going to live with our parents until we graduated from university and could support ourselves.

Quote:

It takes one man with a spark to light a forest fire, but it takes ten thousand men to extinguish it. Prevention is better than cure.

To be continued…

jamiefrings@yahoo.com