Some people have high or low expectations depending on circumstances or experiences, for example, how they were treated by others. Which brings us to the question, is it wrong to have expectations too high?

There is evidence that having high expectations could be beneficial, whether it’s boosting your productivity or realising your goals, writes Nina Fazil in her article ‘Is Having High Expectations Good or Bad?’, however, there are also a plethora of articles that list the negative effects of setting high expectations on yourself. In fact, there’s even a popular phrase that says, "Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.”

Imagine having a problem and you are sure that family, or at least a friend, will automatically help. However, to your dismay, they all say they can’t be of help. This will just leave you disappointed and sad.

The Cambridge dictionary defines expectation as "the feeling or belief that something will or should happen.”

William Shakespeare was quoted to have said, ‘expectation is the root of all heartache’, while Bruce Lee apparently said, ‘I am not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine’.

Claire Mutesi, an accountant and a resident of Gikondo, says that people with high expectations are hard to affect, instead of appreciating small gestures and seeing the good in others, they instead focus on weaknesses.

She believes that such people just want everything to be top notch—food, trips, movies, jobs, friends and so forth.

Mutesi says that setting expectations could craft failure, for instance if students promise their parents that they will do their best in exams and top the whole class, the parents expect that to happen. If they revise excessively and end up not delivering what they promised, or even acquiring any of the first five positions, there is a possibility they will view themselves as failures, forgetting all their hard work as something to be commended.

She adds that you can tell that your expectations are high if you feel that often people let you down, your life seems empty, dissatisfied, and frustrating.

"People with high expectations are in most cases judgemental, they want people to behave the way they want them to, they are perfectionists, and their happiness is short-lived,” Mutesi goes on.

She believes that it’s great to dream and have realistic expectations which are planned and are worked towards fulfilment, one by one, but not overnight.

For her, most people get disappointed because they think they can achieve everything they wish, in the shortest time, which may be tricky, and says that some people have turned into their own enemies because of setting the bar too high for themselves.

According to WebMD, the key is to bring awareness to your expectations and decide if they are healthy. You will know your expectations are healthy when they are respectful, fair, compassionate, thoughtful, thought-out, reasonable and honest.

Your expectations won’t change overnight, but if you work on it, overtime, you will see the progress you have been working for. It’s not always easy, but adjusting unrealistic expectations can bring enormous benefits and a renewed sense of peace. Celebrating your progress, milestones, and victories can help you stay positive and keep things in perspective. Gratitude may help you begin to see setbacks and failures as learning opportunities rather than sources of negative feelings, WebMD states.

While there’s plenty of good that comes from setting high expectations, going overboard and being unrealistic can result in serious consequences. Fazil’s article suggests how setting unrealistically high expectations can affect you negatively:

It can cause psychological issues

Having high expectations can, at times, cause emotional distress such as anxiety and depression.

The findings of a study showed that a group of law students who were expected to do well by their parents experienced severe levels of depressive, anxiety or stress symptoms. The study also found that the students’ motivation and goals changed with higher levels of psychological distress.

Setting high expectations on yourself doesn’t automatically result in you having depression. However, with the added stress, you could suffer from guilt if you don’t succeed or become easily irritable and restless from being anxious.

You’re setting yourself up for disappointment

Great expectations can lead to great disappointment. This is particularly true when you set expectations on other people whose actions you cannot control.

For instance, if you’re feeling alone and you call up a friend, your automatic expectation is for them to relieve your loneliness and make you feel better. When this fails to happen, you end up feeling disappointed and resentment towards your friend.

Avoid this pitfall by letting go of lofty demands and requests of your friends. Accept them for who they are and set your expectations around reality and what you know is true of your friend.

It can distract you from the present

Have you ever wallowed in self-destructive thoughts when you fail to meet your expectations? Perhaps you expected yourself to organise a successful class event or successfully sat for a scholarship interview. But when things go awry, you sit in your guilt and blame yourself for what went wrong.

The problem with this is that you’re spending more time in your head rather than accepting the past for what it is. You could either learn from your mistakes and strategise things differently or accept the silver lining to the situation. The class event or interview may not have been a success but at least you’ve experienced it and now you have a better understanding on how you can do better the next time.

There may not be a template for managing expectations but the main goal is to find the perfect balance in setting a more realistic and achievable expectation. Learn to let go of things, especially when they don’t turn out the way you hoped. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to celebrate your victories no matter how small.