The auditions for the now very popular East African music talent show, or competition if you like, the Tusker Project Fame are about to kick off, and I am one of the highly aspiring candidates.

Not that I have any illusion that I have a talent in music- never! There is no one in my family that I know of who has ever sang in a village gathering or church choir let alone record a song in a studio or take part in a music competition. Rather, my intentions are purely bird hunting because I know when it comes to singing, no one does it better than the birds. You see, these creatures don’t break their voices at the onset of adolescence like their male counterparts and hence their voices remain ‘musical’ until the evening of their time on this earth.
 My target is the Tusker Academy where I am very sure there will be numerous birds from all the five participating East African nations - including the birds from the land of the one and only Alek Wek, the blue bird. I am basing my assumption on the fact that birds with good voices have very high chances of having good looks and other accompaniments- that is if Juliana Kanyomozi, J-Lo and Miss Shannel are anything to go by.
Once there, my game plan will definitely be not to out-do my academy housemates in training my vocals but rather, in keeping the birds so busy such that the theme of the whole show will change and become bird hunting. I am sure that Tusker will be left in a dilemma whether to organize a music talent show or a bird hunting talent show.
Well, but as I plan to take part in the auditions, I am reminded of the fact that to be selected at country level in the first place, one had to possess the talent in music and their vocals have to be impressive. That is why I intend to go to this hospital whose name suggests that we are endowed with oil resources yet we even struggle to get water. Here there is a good ENT (Ear Nose and Throat) specialist who I went to consult on the account of my vocals. Well, he informed me that although I should actually have seen a music specialist for this, he thought I had no chance in being selected for a serious music competition.
I intend to be persistent however because the last auditions made me regret not having gone there because those who were audacious enough to do so were not more talented than I was. I remember a time when as I watched the auditions I almost wept when some dark guy jumped on stage to do a song he called ‘baby girl.’ Couldn’t the hyena find some other words to abuse? Something like ‘baby boy’ should have suited him. Playing around with girls is totally unacceptable! (Pun intended of course!)
Anyway, I have not relented on the show and that is why I have been following the on goings on so closely and I know that there will be auditions in Kigali on August 28. Those who will be watching the auditions will be seeing me and I can assure you I will not disappoint you. I have been training seriously and I am sure I will pass and make it to the academy. My only desire is to make it to the academy and the rest will sort themselves out in the long run.
Once in there, I intend to show East Africans that actually man cannot live on music alone. I will show them that those who planned to promote Tusker through music were mistaken.
This will be a show they have never experienced and I can bet my life that Big Brother is going to experience a decrease in traffic because I will make sure that people stampede to the Tusker Fame Show because I will be offering more entertainment than they have never experienced before. My only hope is that a couple of nice birds make it to the academy because I cannot be able to do my thing without the company of nice birds. You see, they are the fuel of my existence. Be there on August 28.

Ends