I broke off my engagement to my ex over six years ago because she was too clingy and possessive and later got married to a more caring woman.

My ex girlfriend claims that she is still the woman for me and that I should stop wasting time with my wife. Sometimes she calls and hangs up and always hides her caller ID. She has become a nuisance to my family and me.

I am tired of her constant harassment and, unfortunately, it has become a source of conflict between my wife and me. How do I get it through to her once and for all that we are over?

Benson

Dear Benson,
Your ex is one of those people who don’t take no for an answer. To her, it is unthinkable that you would reject her. Facing the reality that you have long since moved on is not possible for her to do.

This is a typical case of where an ex lover or spouse refuses to let go and uses harassment and other methods in order to get back the love that’s been lost, even if it proves fatal.

In many cases, the ex-partner tends to explain or justify why they chose to end the relationship. Sadly for individuals like your ex, trying to explain why you broke things off only serves to encourage her further.

She will look for ways to make things right so that you can take her back. For example, if you mention to her that you found her possessive, she will tell you that she can change if you just give her a second chance and blame your looking at other women for her possessiveness.

In other words, she will refuse to take responsibility for her actions and twist things around so that you bear the blame for your separation.

Her reality is a distorted one and that is why she tells you that you are wasting time with your wife and family. It is usually futile to try and convince such a person to see things differently. Make sure you stop all contact with her.

If you make time to meet her, she is likely to misconstrue even something as simple as a handshake as a chance for a comeback.

In the same breath, do not give her any ambiguous messages that she could misread as encouragement on your part. Your source of conflict with your wife probably stems from this.

If at all she takes to threatening you or your family, it is important to alert the police and others of the potential for danger.

Ends