Humour: When visitors came with hot air

During the mid 90s, certain moments proved to be very good indeed, especially during the reign of our expatriate pipe smoking boss who used to spend most of his time snoozing under his tent.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

During the mid 90s, certain moments proved to be very good indeed, especially during the reign of our expatriate pipe smoking boss who used to spend most of his time snoozing under his tent.

During his regime, Aggrey and I enjoyed driving around in the jeeps of the NGO’s, until one day we flee in the presence of visitors who came with hot air.

We used to arrive at work after 8am and left before 4pm. Things were so cool for us until there was change in the regime.

The changes came after an audit performed by expatriates who were assigned to check on our NGO branch at Gikondo.

As a result, our sources of funds and fun were immediately curtailed. The fleet of vehicles was reduced in size. Whereas we used to have not less than 10 jeeps parked at our Gikondo compound, the new boss reduced the number of cars to just 1.

Within a few weeks, Aggrey and I had become as poor as church mouse. The usual Friday parties that we used to throw at our home came to a halt.

Our lifestyle completely changed. Our debts at Béa’s joint increased so much that Béa decided not to sell us any more booze until we had paid up. At home, we sacked our houseboy and resorted to cooking food by ourselves.

Things had become so elephant for us. And matters were not made any easier when amidst all this poverty; we received some relatives from Uganda who had come over to search for jobs.

These relatives had learnt that Rwanda was a land of so many opportunities. They also learnt that Aggrey and I were loaded with US dollars and that we changed cars everyday.

That is why they decided to cross the border during those mid 90s in search of dollars. Since they were flat broke, they could not afford spending nights in the hotel. So they made their research and eventually got directions to our modest home at the poor section of Kiyovu.

When Aggrey and I reached home in the evening, we were pleased to receive visitors from Uganda. Wow! Aggrey and I were very sure that the visitors would give us a good time at Béa’s joint.

What we did not know was that the visitors were even much poorer than ourselves. We hugged and chatted for a while. We asked them a lot of questions about Kampala life.

Their responses suggested to us that these fellows were loaded with lots of cash. This is because they kept telling us about the night life of Kampala and how they spent their weekends dancing away in Kampala’s night clubs of Angé Noir and Silk.

The way things unfolded, we were convinced that our relatives had come to enjoy life by spending their cash at the likes of Black and White plus Kigali Night discotheque spots. For us, it was an opportunity to wet our very thirsty throats at their expense.

Aggrey asked them "Guys it seems you have been enjoying life in Kampala! Do you also want to taste the night life in Kigali? We can take you around so that you compare with the Kampala night spots. May I suggest that we first visit our local pub here in Kiyovu?

It’s called Béa’s joint” At the mention of the word ‘pub’, our relatives jumped up in unison "Yeah! Let’s go! In any case life is short, isn’t it?”

We then hit the road. At Béa’s joint there were a lot of activities as patrons danced away, enjoying the Congolese Rhumba music. When Béa set her eyes on us, she started to scold us for not having paid our long outstanding bills.

But then we whispered to her that we had come with visitors from Uganda who were loaded with cash.

"These guys sell Gold. They are from Uganda. Do you want us to take them to another pub?” No no!, she prayed. Please come in and enjoy. What will you drink?

Our relatives from Kampala proceeded to order for Heinekens plus plates of roasted chicken and chips. Wow! Heineken? These guys were surely loaded with kwacha!

By midnight, we had got zonked enough. Then our visitors started to pour out their hearts. They told us that life in Kampala had become so monkey for them. That is why they were in Kigali to look for jobs "We want to be like you guys.

We want to be able to take visitors out and drown them with so much booze like you have done for us” What?

Aggrey and I sobered up immediately. It slowly dawned upon us that these were not rich visitors who had taken us out for a nice drink. No way! These were lousy poor relatives who had come with just hot air.

What could we tell Béa? Aggrey then suggested fleeing for our lives. We picked up our shoes and run away leaving behind our visitors to face the wrath from the one and only Béa…

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