Dear Aunt Silvia,     

Like many marriages that I know of, my marriage too is over. My husband and I lead separate lives in our home even though we have not followed through with a divorce.

The only reason I still hang around is because I am terrified of change. We have two children and they can tell that all is not well between their parents.

I feel stuck and sometimes get very depressed. My husband on the other hand is living it up and hardly ever comes anymore. Is it time that I accepted change or is it too late to enjoy my life? 

Samantha. 

Dear Samantha,

It is never too late to enjoy your life but you have to make a choice. You seem stuck in a rut because you have not made a decision and have allowed life to pass. Depression is likely to set in because you feel powerless to make a difference.

Your husband made the decision to go on living his life, but the way he does it makes you unhappy. He does not pretend there is a marriage anymore.

You, on the other hand play the role of victim by letting life pass you by and complaining when things do not work out the way you want.

You blame those around you for your unhappiness instead of taking responsibility for your life. If you place that responsibility in another person’s hands, you will be disappointed every time.

Change is hard because many people would rather deal with what they already know. It takes less effort to be inactive and passive, but rarely does this produce results that are ideal.

This is why change is feared and arouses anxiety. In your case, you may be dreading change because it may mean that you might be alone and single soon.

It may also mean that you fight for your marriage and this involves a lot of work that is emotionally draining and painful. It could also mean being honest with yourself and deciding that you deserve better.

Change involves embracing the new and letting go of that which no longer serves you. Show interest in your life and refuse to give your power away to others.

Take responsibility for your own destiny and make the choices that will support you in your quest for happiness

Ends