Dear Aunt Silvia

My wife is born-again but her behaviour in the last few years is offending me. She rarely has time for the children and me as she’s always away on all weekends attending to church matters.

She has church responsibilities literally every day. I have complained to the church leadership but received no response. She rarely sees the children, which has forced me to play the role of father and mother.

We no longer make love since she is either in her periods, fasting or thinking about church matters. Is this okay or common with others? What would you do if you were in my place?

Benson.

Dear Benson,

Like you, many men and children are suffering because women fail to attend to the needs of family due to church commitments. In such circumstances, many marriages are being torn apart. In essence, religion should bring people together but in many instances today, it separates people.

When the church becomes the cause of broken marriages and families, where is the Godliness in that? The Bible says there is a time for everything. Granted, all church functions are important and they increase as the church continues to expand.

However, the family is also as important and so we have to be wise in our actions.

When faced with too many responsibilities two approaches will do the trick; prioritise and delegate. It is essential that people appreciate the fact that they can’t be everything to everyone and there is a time to do and a time to let others do.

A woman’s first responsibility is to her family; God entrusts the family unit to the woman so in attending to the family, she is serving God. What is the point of religion when everything else in your life is falling apart?

People need to think carefully and balance themselves out to ensure that no aspect of their lives falls apart because of the other.

We serve God in many ways and dutifully attending to one’s responsibilities is one of the ways.

If she wanted to serve God fully she would have become a nun. With the current situation, it is important that she understands her responsibilities and prioritises them.

Many other women including myself serve our respective churches but make sure that our families come first. I for example sit on the board of Catholic schools in the country, I teach children religion every Saturday and also teach them at Sunday school every Sunday- and any other service that is needed by my church, and I must always find time for my family, so your wife should not give her church commitment as an excuse.

If the church leader where your wife is a member is a man worth his salt, he would not condone her absconding family duties to attend to church matters; unless there is more to this than meets the eye.

This is an issue that can be discussed in the presence of church elders. There comes a time when a man puts his foot down and takes control of his household. Get her to see the damage she is inflicting to your marriage and to the young ones.

The Good Lord clearly states, if a man cannot love his brother whom he sees, how can he love me when he has not seen me? Tell her salvation shouldn’t come at so steep a price. This talk may reveal issues that may be abating the situation. She might reveal that she has a reason for not wanting to be home at all.

State clearly that you have no problem with that only that she attends to her primary responsibilities in the marriage and family.

Ends